


Universe of Parenthood

by AnotherWriterWhoWrites



Series: 2019 365 Days of Writing [50]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Always Female Sam Winchester, Child Abuse, Female Sam Winchester, Forced Pregnancy, Gen, Nephilim, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2020-02-27 12:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 23,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18739336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherWriterWhoWrites/pseuds/AnotherWriterWhoWrites
Summary: Sam was born a girl and was forced to be the mother of Lucifers child in season 12.





	1. Chapter 1

Dean couldn’t tear his eyes away from the kid who was sitting at the table, slowly eating a bowl of cereal. He knew that Dean was staring, glaring, at him but didn’t say anything, meticulously chewing every bite instead.

Dean tightened his grip on his coffee cup, his eyes following the kid as he finished his bowl and went to wash it in the sink before he left the kitchen. The moment the kid left Dean breathed out through his nose and forced himself to loosen his grip on his cup.

It’s only been one month since the kid was born, coming out already baked and grown. Sam’s screams still filled his dreams before he swore that the universe broke and suddenly the kid was there.

He didn’t have a name just yet, Sam hadn’t had the time to pick him one and Dean had no desire to name him either.

Every time he looked at him or looked at his side and was confused for a moment about where Sam was and then remembered what had happened to hikm Dean had to fight himself from picking up one of the weapons in the bunker and painting the walls with the kids blood.

Not that it would work. The kid was immune to angel blades and he had nothing stronger than that in the bunker. If anything it would make him feel a bit better in doing it but ultimately, it wouldn’t do anything to him in the slightest.

And the worst part, or maybe the best part he wasn’t quite sure yet, was that the kid would let him. He knew that he had killed Sam, his mother, and he wore that guilt clearly and straight on his chest. The few times that he and Dean managed to say three words to each other the kid had said that Sam had loved him.

Dean had broke his hand punching him in the face and the kid stumbled back, his nose was broke but it automatically healed itself, and after since then the kid didn’t mention Sam, he didn’t say anything at all to be honest.

Dean breathed out slowly and glanced at the liquor on the counter, trying to figure out if he should have a drink this early in the morning.

On one hand, logically, the kid was his nephew whether he liked it or not. He was Sam’s kid, he firmly ignored who the other parent was, and by blood and law, he was Deans nephew so by that Dean should care just a bit about him.

But at the same time, he destroyed everything. His birth had killed Sam after she had been violated in one of the worst ways possible by Lucifer. His birth had created a crack in the universe that his mother had fallen through with Lucifer. He had done nothing but destroy everything around him and with that, that was the Winchester luck right there.

It also hurt to look at him. The hair, the dimples, the shape of the eyes. Everything was Sam and each time he did catch a hint of it he felt a pain so sharp in his chest that Dean would swear that his heart was about to jump out of his chest.

The only thing that was different was his eye color, they were the same color as the old vessel Nick and it was the real reminder of who his father had been.

He didn’t know what to do to get his sister back either. No demon was willing to make a deal with him anymore, and he had tried and been laughed at or the demon straight up vanished from his sight the moment they saw him. Rowena refused to work on necromancy and Dean didn’t have enough of a skill to be able to do that himself.

The only thing powerful enough at the moment was the kid and oh how he hated that, hated that he was slightly dependent on him for that or for anything.

But fine, the kid was going to be here under Deans strict look and as soon as he was strong enough, the kid was going to bring Sam back to life.

And then, then Dean could find a way to kill him.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean looked over the table that was covered with notes and research. His fingers were twitching and he grabbed at a pen, twirling it in between his fingers to try to get some of his energy out. 

Most of it was about Sam, about finding a way to bring her back to life. Demons refused to make a deal with him, there were apparently no more angels left in heaven that could work with him. The only witch he knew that might’ve been powerful enough was Rowena and there was no chance that she was going to work with him. 

Not to mention that Crowley was dead too, the only demons that might have worked with him, or at the very least would have liked to have some sort of leverage on him, and that was another reason Rowena might not want to work with him. 

He could just try to capture her and threaten her but that was a last resort type of a plan. 

Dean stiffened when he heard some footsteps around the corner, they stopped at the doorway but then continued, a little lighter than before. He kept his gaze firmly on the table even when he could see someone from the corner of his eyes moving around him. 

He stopped then, just a few feet away from him but didn't say anything. 

Breathing out slowly Dean forced himself to turn his head enough to slightly look at the kid who was shifting in place, hands wringing in front of him. He didn't say anything, just half glanced at him. 

“Um...we’re out of a couple things.” the kid mumbled, shoulders brought up high. “And the supply cabinet it kinda empty.”

Dean tightened his grip on the pen, feeling the plastic cracking, with each word that the kid said. He breathed out roughly and tried to unclench his jaw. 

"Also your cell phone...it keeps ringing." the kid mumbled. "And..." he trailed off, either seeing Deans reaction or just knowing that he needed to stop talking. 

There was a small bit of pain in his hand and when Dean looked down he saw that he had broken the pen into pieces and the plastic had dug into his palm, hard enough that it broke the skin and let some blood come out. 

Carefully picking the pieces out he tossed them onto the table along with the other pieces of the pen, not caring where they landed. 

The kid was still there, he could still see him from the corner of his vision. He shifted from foot to foot and seemed to want to say something else and Dean swore that if he said anything else, he wasn't sure if he could control himself from exploding on him. 

"Dean?" the kid asked, his voice had a small tremor in it and Dean immediately tensed up, nails digging into the small cuts into his palm. "Can I...can we...talk?"

"No." Dean said curtly, forcing himself to walk to the table and pick up the notes he had made and reread them for the hundredth time. 

“But...I think that...” the kid was started to say. 

“Don't care.” Dean interrupted just as subtle as before. The papers were crinkling in his grip and he had to focus hard to keep himself from destroying it. “Go.”

“...but...”

Dean slammed his hand on the table, causing the entire thing to shake and crack. He could see the kid flinch at the sound and movement. 

“I said go!” Dean all but snarled, still not looking at the kid who immediately turned and left the room, going somewhere else in the bunker. 

Dean breathed heavily, his nails clawing at the table as his fingers curled into a fist, the blood from his palm staining the wood. He bowed over slightly, his other arm coming up to balance on the table as he tried to calm himself down. His entire body moved until he could press his forehead to the table as well. 

His breath caused some of the papers to move and he could feel that his entire body was shaking. He closed his eyes and tried to control himself, taking deep breaths of air before he straightened up, forced everything down, and grabbed at his notes again, rereading them once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 191/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	3. Chapter 3

There was nothing he could do to bring Sam back to life. 

Dean had gone over everything he could find, twice, three times, even four times for some of them, and he couldn't find a single hint of what he could use to bring his sister back to life. 

He could feel the despair choking him with each moment that that realization set in. It took everything he had not to throw everything in front of him onto the ground. 

He rubbed his hand over his face, not breathing for a moment as he tried to compose himself. 

There had to be something. There had to be something that he overlooked or didn't look at enough. There had to be some sort of artifact or scroll in the bunker, there had to be some witch out there or reaper that would work with him. 

There had to be anything, at all, out there. There had to be something, there had to be-

“Dean?” came the last voice that he ever wanted to hear. The kid was back in the room, walking along the wall and trying to keep his distance. “Dean-”

Dean snapped, there was no other word for it. Filled with the despair of knowing that he couldn't do a single thing to bring his sister back and saddled with Lucifer's child, made him crack and he came forward, grabbing the kids shirt, pulling his arm back, and punching him in the face, letting him fall out of his grip.

The kid was on the ground, staring up at him with wide eyes and shaking, tremors running through him hard. His nose looked broken for a moment before it healed, however blood there was still the blood that had dripped down. He moved slowly, wiping under his nose and smearing the blood away. 

Dean focused on the blood, he couldn't tear his eyes away from it. It was Lucifer's blood. His tainted, disgusting, revolting, sickening, stomach churning-

Sams blood. 

It was Sams blood too. Half Sam, half his sister, half their blood. 

Winchester blood. 

Dean breathed out heavily, straightening up slightly as he kept staring at the blood that was staining the kids face and hand. It looked completely human, no hint of a single bit of angel grace. 

Dean finally looked away from the blood and at the kids face, the kid flinched away from his gaze and looked down at the ground, his hair falling in front of his face. 

Dean felt his legs shake slightly and he leaned back against the table for support, placing his palms on them and ignoring how his knuckles were smarting from punching the kid. 

He couldn't stop looking at the kid, maybe really looking for the first time, at the kid for a long silent moment. The kid seemed to curl away from his gaze but otherwise didn't move, still shaking and maybe a bit afraid of moving too much and having Dean's ire on him again. 

The kid had shaggy hair, a corner of his mind told him. It was moved forward with his head almost covering his face completely. He had a few moles that Sam had as well, same places as well. He was tall, almost able to look Dean in the eye, if he ever did that but he hadn't done it since the first day. 

He was lanky and he was thin, he could remember the kid that did eat but he had said a few days ago that they were running low on supplies and he hasn't done anything to resupply it. 

Despite himself he could pick out bits and pieces of Sam there.

Breathing out hard Dean pushed himself off of the table and ignored how the kid flinched and curled more into himself as he came closer. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. 

Not stopping his walk towards the garage, he needed to get out and he might as well get more things for their kitchen, he tossed the handkerchief onto the kids lap and continued walking. 

He couldn't label how he was feeling, he couldn't figure it out. He could feel a multitude of emotions coursing through him and he didn't bother to name any of them, he didn't need that extra baggage. 

As he got into his impala, flexing his fingers over the steering wheel, he breathed out slowly, unable to get the image of the kid sprawled on the ground, bloodied because of him. 

He looked at his knuckles that were still hurting slightly, seeing the kids blood on them, small specks that managed to land on his skin. 

He brought a hand to his chest slowly, feeling it shake hard. His other hand came up to cling at it and his thumb moved over the blood on his knuckles, smearing it slightly and taking a deep breath.

The kids blood. Sams blood. Their blood. 

Dean closed his eyes, curling over his hands and just holding them close to his chest. A choked sound escaped him as the shaking spread through his body. 

“Sam.” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Sammy...I don't know how to save you. I don't know what to do.”

He let his head fall back against the seat, feeling the tears starting to gather in his eyes. His entire body was shaking and he wasn't able to keep the small sounds from escaping him. 

“Sammy.” he managed to get out. “What do I do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 192/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean went shopping.

There was nothing else he could do. There was nothing else that he could possibly do so he just went to the supermarket to stock up on everything they needed and things that they didn’t. 

He packed the cart full, not really paying attention to what he was putting into it. He grabbed whatever he saw at random and added them to the cart. 

He stopped at the fruits and vegetables, his and Sam’s last argument replaying in his head. She had been nagging him about eating healthier, trying to get him to negotiate for him to eat healthier if it meant that she would do something for him as well. 

Wordlessly he started to add things to the cart, bagging the fruits and vegetables methodically and carefully placing it down. He eyed the bag of spinach dubiously and then added it as well. 

He ignored the baked goods part of the store, he didn’t have the stomach for that. 

Slowly he finished with everything else and went to the registers, ignoring the exported look on the cashiers face when they saw how much crap he had in his cart, running everything up. He passed his credit card over and after gathering everything, went back to the impala and put everything into the backseat. 

He slowly drove through town, not wanting to get back to the bunker so soon. He didn’t want to face the silence and the stress there. The kid was there and Dean had no desire to face him so soon after he had punched him. 

Instead he just slowly drove, not really caring where he was going, not having a destination in mind. Eventually, of course, he stopped outside of the liquor store and after a moment he parked the car outside of it and go out. 

He walked into the liquor store, the bell above him ringing. The owner looked up at him and gave him a small smile. 

“Hey, Campbell.” he greeted him, reaching to shake his hand which Dean returned. “Haven’t seen you guys in a while. Everything okay?”

Dean breathed out, sliding his hands into his pockets. “Not really.” he said, staring at the counter. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, his voice becoming a bit concerned. From the corner of his eye he could see him looking out towards the empty impala. “Is your sister okay?”

“No.” Dean said curtly, not looking up. “I just want the usual stuff, stronger if you have any.”

The owner hesitated, not really sure what to say about that, but ultimately Dean could see that he nodded. “Yeah, of course.” he said before going to the back to grab a box for him. 

Dean breathed out slowly, not even sure what to tell people that asked, people that weren't in the know about the supernatural. What the hell was he supposed to tell them about Sam? And how were they going to explain it when he managed to bring her back to life? 

They didn't have that many connections in town but people knew them, recognized them, knew them as the Campbell Siblings that lived a bit out of town. They knew that something was up if they were apart, like now, and knew enough that something like this wasn't normal for them. 

The owner returned with his usual box of bottles, he could spot a few small other ones. He quietly thanked him and paid, tucking the box under his arm and ignoring the mans questioning and sad gaze that followed him.

Eventually though, he drove back to the bunker, obeying the speed limit in a way he never had before. But ultimately he reached it and debated to stay in the garage for a while before he forced himself to get out of the car, grabbing the box of alcohol with him. 

He put the bottles away, grabbing the nearest one to him and opening it. Forgoing a glass he drank straight from the bottle. His hand came up to press against the wall, breathing heavily as he drank. He took another deep pull and let out a small gasp of air as the drink that burned his throat. 

His fingers dug into the wall for a moment and he took a great deep shuddering breath. He turned to go back to the impala to grab the shopping bags but stopped when he heard someone moving around in the kitchen and stocking room. 

Moving slowly he went to the source of the noise and carefully peeked around the corner, eyes narrowing when he saw the kid. He had apparently gone to the impala and taken the bags from there and was putting everything away. 

The kid spotted him and turned to face him, taking a step back at the sight of him completely. The kid swallowed hard, hand coming up to rub at his nose where Dean had punched him. 

When Dean didn’t move the kid did move slowly, finishing putting everything away, glancing at him multiple times nervously. 

Dean just drank from his bottle once more, not tearing his eyes away from the kid moving around the kitchen. He was blocking the only way and the kid was shifting from foot to foot, slowly reaching out to take an apple and wash it, biting into it. 

He grabbed another apple and washed it as well, taking a deep breath before he turned and offered it to Dean. 

Dean just took another drink, not looking away. The kid looked oddly hopeful as he held the apple out to him, his own bitten-into apple in his other hand. Dean couldn’t look at his eyes, they looked too much like Nick’s, so he focused on other places, the shape of his face, the hair that framed him.

Wordlessly he reached out and took the apple from him, turning, and walking away towards the library, biting into his apple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 205/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	5. Chapter 5

He’d already checked over the library and the texts, he also had checked Sam’s laptop files and a bunch of the other scrolls that she had found when they first discovered the bunker. 

Where else could he check? What else was there? There was that damned, pun intended, book of the damned that Rowena kept trying to get her hands on. There were countless other spellbooks in the bunker that he couldn’t even dream of deciphering. He’d need a witch, a strong and smart witch, to be able to read it. 

The fact that he was minutes away from calling Rowena and giving her access to all those spellbooks in the hope that she’d find a way to bring Sam back was just another excuse to show how much he was at the end of his rope. 

He heard the kid timidly come into the room he was in, stopping a few feet from him. Dean ignored him and instead moved one of the texts on the table. 

“Dean, I want to talk to you.” the kid said, it was obvious he was trying to be brave and confident but his slightly wavering voice gave him away. 

“No.” Dean said curtly, not bothering to look up.

It took a moment but the kid spoke again. “I really want to talk to you.” he tried again. “I would really appreciate it.”

Dean snorted and still didn’t look at him. “I said no, leave.”

He could almost hear the kid swallowing in nervousness. “...mom would want-”

“You killed her, you don’t get to talk about her, think about her, or even consider her.” Dean snarled, whirling to face him. “You killed her-”

“I didn’t want to!” the kid suddenly shouted, despair clear in his voice. “I tried to hold onto her! I tried to keep her with me! I couldn’t and suddenly she was gone!”

Dean fell silent, just staring at the kid who was breathing heavily, tears in his eyes. “I don’t care.” he said simply, and it was the stone cold truth. “You killed my sister. I don’t give a damn what you wanted or what you tried. Your birth killed her.”

The kids eyes blinked faster, he rubbed at them, trying to fight back the tears as best as he could but despite his efforts, a few tears escaped. “She was my mother.” he whispered. 

“No. She was my sister.” Dean told him. “She was forced to bear you. She was forced to give birth to you. She wasn’t your mother.”

The kid rubbed at his eyes once more, taking a deep breath and straightening up. “I heard her.” he whispered. “When she was carrying me. She spoke to me, said that you’d take...that she would trust you with me and that you’d-”

“That I’d what?” Dean snapped at him. “That’s I’d take care of you? That I’d watch over you? Cut the crusts off your sandwiches and tuck you into bed? No. If you were anyone else, my nephew? I’d be more than happy to. I’d love to raise you with Sam and watch you grow and be your uncle.” his hands were shaking and he curled them into fists to try to get them to stop. 

“But you’re not my nephew. You are Lucifer's kids, not Sam’s. You are the son of the devil and that’s all you’ll ever be.” Dean told him. “You were born to be evil, you were born to be the son of the devil, you were born to kill my sister. And you’ve already accomplished all of that.”

“She told me that no matter how my coming into being happened, I am not him, I am not Lucifer.” the kid said, his voice wavering. “I...I’m me. I can choose who I want to be.”

“And who do you want to be?” Dean asked, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “Who?”

“I want to be Sam’s son.” the kid told him. “I want to be your nephew. I want...I want my...a family.” he took a deep breath and wiped his hand over his face to wipe away the rest of the tears. “I know that...my birth did...a lot of bad things. But I didn’t want those bad things to happen.”

“It doesn’t matter what you want.” Dean told him. “It's what happens that counts, its what has and will happen.” he took a step forward towards the kid and felt a slight feeling of guilt when the kid automatically took a step back away from him. “It doesn’t mean jack squat what you want, what matters is actions.”

Dean pulled back away from him, watching the kid shake. “I look at you…and all I can see is him. All I know is that he raped her, he forced her to carry you, and finally...it killed her to birth you.”

He turned away, shaking his head. “Something I’ve always looked forward to is if Sam would have kids. I always promised that I’d be the best uncle to them. I’d be there for them, I’d help them, and I just be everything they needed me to be.”

“But you’re your father’s son. You can’t erase that and you can’t change that, and that’s all you’ll ever be.” Dean said, turning to leave the room. 

“You’re wrong.” he heard the kid whisper. “You’re wrong. I’m not him. I’m not.”

Dean snorted, without turning around, he said, “Prove it.”. He didn’t bother to wait for an answer, there was none that the kid could give him. He left the room, not even sure where he was going to go in the bunker. 

The kid slumped against the closest wall, his legs giving out and he slid down to the ground, laying there crumpled. Tears were falling down his face freely now and he didn’t bother to wipe them away. 

After what felt like an eternity he raised his head, eyes closed, and let it lightly hit the wall behind him, breathing in deeply before letting it out. He repeated the motion a few times, trying to stop the tears. He took one more deep breath and held it in for a moment before he let it out. 

He opened his eyes and felt a golden glow surrounded his vision, feeling something throbbing inside of him like a heartbeat. 

“Mom.” he whispered, the word feeling slightly reverent on his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 210/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	6. Chapter 6

There had to be a way out of here, there had to be that one opening. 

Sam let her fingers trail over the wall, trying to get every single last inch. She was never more thankful for her height that let her do the same to the ceiling and then on the floor as well. 

She could hear Dean behind her, cooking something for them. He was humming along with the music playing on the laptop and even though he’d deny it his hips were moving in time with it as well.

Her fingers snagged on something on the table and she stared at it, not letting go. She curled her fingers around it and pulled as Dean placed plates on the table. 

“Alright, one girly vegetable burger for you.” Dean said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder before sitting down at the table. “One manly burger for me. Enjoy.”

“Thanks Dean.” she said automatically, staring at the cable in her hands. She reached out for her burger and took a bite, placing it back down. 

She held onto the cable and slowly stood up, not letting go. Dean stayed at the table, talking about something. She followed the cable, holding onto it tightly and walked, following it out of the kitchen and into the hallway to another door. 

Reaching out she opened the door slowly, moving to peek outside. She saw a flash of white light and-

There had to be a way out of here, there had to be that one opening. 

Sam let her fingers trail over the wall, trying to get every single last inch. She was never more thankful for her height that let her do the same to the ceiling and then on the floor as well. 

She could hear Dean behind her, cooking something for them. He was humming along with the music playing on the laptop and even though he’d deny it his hips were moving in time with it as well.

Her fingers snagged on something on the table and she stared at it, not letting go. She curled her fingers around it and pulled as Dean placed plates on the table. 

“Alright, one girly vegetable burger for you.” Dean said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder before sitting down at the table. “One manly burger for me. Enjoy.”

“Thanks Dean.” she said automatically, staring at the cable in her hands. She reached out for her burger and took a bite, placing it back down. 

She held onto the cable and slowly stood up, not letting go. Dean stayed at the table, talking about something. She followed the cable, holding onto it tightly and walked, following it out of the kitchen and into the hallway to another door. 

Reaching out she opened the door slowly, moving to peek outside. She saw a flash of white light and-

Sam opened her eyes, rubbing at them and looking down at the bowl of popcorn on her lap and slowly ate a few pieces. Beside her on the bed Dean was clicking through their Netflix selection making faces. 

“Over three hundred channels, Netflix, and HBO and nothing to watch.” he complained as Sam put the bowl of popcorn down between them and got off of the bed. 

“You’re just going to have to lower your standards and try again.” Sam told him as she started to look around the room, peering under the bed. “I’m sure it's not the first time you’ve heard that.”

“Too low Samantha.” Dean protested, she could hear him munch on some popcorn. “Wanna rewatch Game of Thrones?”

“No, I’ve had enough of it, I don’t want to watch more violence.” Sam said despite knowing that that wasn’t what she actually said. Case in point, Dean turned Game of Thrones on and the theme song filled the room. 

There, curled around her desk let, pushed down into the carpet, she found the cable and grabbed at it. Following it out of her room and back out the hallway, back in front of the door. 

Reaching out she opened the door slowly, moving to peek outside. She saw a flash of white light and-

Sam opened her eyes, rubbing at them and looking down at the bowl of popcorn on her lap and slowly ate a few pieces. Beside her on the bed Dean was clicking through their Netflix selection making faces. 

“Over three hundred channels, Netflix, and HBO and nothing to watch.” he complained as Sam put the bowl of popcorn down between them and got off of the bed. 

“You’re just going to have to lower your standards and try again.” Sam told him as she started to look around the room, peering under the bed. “I’m sure it's not the first time you’ve heard that.”

“Too low Samantha.” Dean protested, she could hear him munch on some popcorn. “Wanna rewatch Game of Thrones?”

“No, I’ve had enough of it, I don’t want to watch more violence.” Sam said despite knowing that that wasn’t what she actually said. Case in point, Dean turned Game of Thrones on and the theme song filled the room. 

There, curled around her desk let, pushed down into the carpet, she found the cable and grabbed at it. Following it out of her room and back out the hallway, back in front of the door. 

Reaching out she opened the door slowly, moving to peek outside. She saw a flash of white light and-

Sam stared up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. There was a nagging in her head and she slowly sat up, her arm curling around her stomach. She looked down at it, rubbing at her flat stomach. For a moment she had thought that...there had been something there. Something like…

Like a baby. 

She breathed out slowly and got out of the bed, rubbing at her eyes as she walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. To no surprise she saw the light was on and when she came in and saw Dean sitting at the table, eating directly from a carton of ice cream, with a surprisingly guilty and surprised look on his face. 

Sam raised an eyebrow at him but grabbed a spoon from the drawer and joined him at the table. He pushed the carton to her and she immediately got a spoonful of mint ice cream. 

“Can’t sleep?” Dean asked her once the both of them had a feel spoonfuls each. “Nightmares?”

“Something like that.” Sam said softly around her spoon. She licked her lips and dipped it in again. “You?”

“Something like that.” Dean repeated, eyes far away for a moment. He slid his spoon along the edge of the carton. “Figured this was better for my liver than drinking.”

“Dean Winchester are you growing up?” Sam asked, a teasing tone to her voice. “Making grown up choices and everything?”

“Shut up.” Dean said, shoving at her shoulder slightly. “I just wanted ice cream, that’s it.”

Sam smiled at him and just got another spoonful, letting her teeth clank against the metal as she slowly licked at it. 

Sighing Sam got up to wash her spoon, her eyes going to the counter and seeing a small cable there. She reached out and grabbed it, following it as fast as she could. 

She reached the door and grabbed at the doorknob, trying to rush through it, trying to get out. She saw a flash of white light and-

Sam opened her eyes, rubbing at them and looking down at the bowl of popcorn on her lap and slowly ate a few pieces. Beside her on the bed Dean was clicking through their Netflix selection making faces. 

“Over three hundred channels, Netflix, and HBO and nothing to watch.” he complained as Sam put the bowl of popcorn down between them and got off of the bed. 

“You’re just going to have to lower your standards and try again.” Sam told him as she started to look around the room, peering under the bed. “I’m sure it's not the first time you’ve heard that.”

“Too low Samantha.” Dean protested, she could hear him munch on some popcorn. “Wanna rewatch Game of Thrones?”

“No, I’ve had enough of it, I don’t want to watch more violence.” Sam said despite knowing that that wasn’t what she actually said. Case in point, Dean turned Game of Thrones on and the theme song filled the room. 

There, curled around her desk let, pushed down into the carpet, she found the cable and grabbed at it.

But stopped when she stared at the cable once more, sitting in her palm. She then gripped it tightly and pulled hard, curling it around her hand. She followed it to the door and just stared at the door for a moment. 

She looked back down at the cable in her hand, gripping it tightly and feeling it cut into her palm, slicing enough that a few drops of blood stained it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. 

She felt a pulse in the cable and opened her eyes again, looking down and watching a golden glow surrounding it. It curled around her hand as well, dipping into the small cut on her palm and healing it. 

Taking a deep breath she held onto the cable as tightly as she could and opened the door. She stepped through the doorway, feeling a pulse in her hand and blinked, staring down a white hallway with countless doors. 

She glanced back at the door she had just left and saw a plate with her name on it. Swallowing hard she slowly started to walk, trying to find a way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 212/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam wasn’t sure how long she walked or where she was going. The hallway was an unchanging blend of countless doors and white walls. There was no one else and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

One thing was for certain, she was in heaven. Not even Lucifer with all his power and hallucinations was able to do all of that. Memories with Dean in the bunker, some of the most relaxed and happy moments of her life, only to find herself in these hallways. 

So case in point, she was in heaven and that meant…

She wasn’t sure what it meant. It meant angels and it meant that she was dead and-

Sam stumbled over nothing, leaning against the wall. She took in a deep shuddering breath as the realization hit her like a freight train. 

She was dead. She was in heaven because she was dead. She was dead because she-

Everything hit her all at once. Her legs gave out and she slid down to the ground, wrapping an arm around her stomach. She looked down at it, her trembling hand moving over her flat stomach, remembering that there had been a bump there. 

She had been pregnant. She had died giving birth. She had been pregnant and she had died giving birth to a half angel child that-

Her stomach contracted and bile filled her mouth. She didn’t throw up, she had nothing in her stomach to throw up, but she gagged and shook from the effects regardless. 

Lucifer had...he had…

Sam closed her eyes, hand over her mouth. She breathed in and out through her nose, trying to calm herself down. 

There was no point in acting like this right now. She had to focus on one thing at a time and the first thing there was that she had to find a way out of heaven and back to life. 

She could focus on what Lucifer did to her later on. She needed to find a way out of here. 

Despite trying to focus on the task at hand, she couldn’t stop thinking about the baby. The one she had died giving birth to. 

She was sure that it was a boy, something deep inside of her, but she had no idea how he would’ve looked like. For the sake of everything she gave him all Winchester features, mainly hers, maybe some from her parents. 

Was he a baby? She was so certain at the time that she had heard a grown voice pleading for her, a grown hand grasping for her before a reaper tore her away. 

Dean. Was Dean okay? He had been right there, he had held her hand as well while Cas, mom, and surprisingly Crowley faced Lucifer outside. He had been trying to comfort her, tears in his eyes as she tried to reassure him back. 

Up until the end, the very last moment, both of them had thought she would survive despite the pain. Winchesters had always been different, always had managed to break and bend the rules, so maybe they had hoped that it would be the case here as well. 

But then Dean had to go, mom had been screaming outside and Dean had hesitated but she told him to go, help her, she’d be okay and she’d still be here. She had crossed her legs and pressed them tightly together to try to stop the birth for just a bit longer. 

But it didn’t work. The birth took its natural and unnatural process and within seconds after Dean had left she had given birth to her child, alone and dying. 

Sam shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts as she tried to think, tried to focus again. She couldn’t get lost in her memories, she needed to focus and she needed to think clearly. 

Sam's eyes widened when she heard voices up ahead and she looked around, trying to find some place to hide. The only doors were other peoples heavens and she had no right to intrude in on them. She pressed herself against the wall as best as she could as the voices got closer. 

“This is ridiculous, we can’t keep being called to her room time after time to put her back in.” one voice complained. “Why can’t we just lock it up and put her away for good?”

“Because with our luck she’d get out and we’d be in more trouble.” another voice said. “At least this gets us out of paperwork for now.”

Sam breathed out slowly, rolling her shoulders back and tensed up, getting ready for a fight. She knew exactly where angels kept their blades and she had a bit of surprise on her side. She could do this, she just needed to act fast.

The moment the angels turned around her corner she rushed forward, knee coming up to bury in one angels stomach to make him double over before her hand shot forward into his jacket, easily bringing the blade out. 

Twisting it in hand she buried it in his back, satisfied at the light and grace that exploded from him. She then pushed the body at the other angel who had tried to get to her to throw him off. 

She moved around and grabbed the other angel, taking his blade as well and throwing it to the side as she placed hers against his throat. 

“Where’s the exit?” she asked him, pressing it harder against his skin.

“It doesn’t matter where’s the exit, you’re dead.” the angel spat at her. “Best case scenario you’ll go back to earth and be a soul. Worst case you’ll be destroyed. Or maybe that's the best case, you won’t come back here if you are.”

“I’ll deal with that once I get to it.” Sam told him, pressing the blade closer to him, a thin light of grace escaping the cut. “Now tell me.”

“Even if you get to it, there’s more angels there, going to kill us all?” the angel all but sneered at her. 

As an answer Sam turned the blade and slammed it into his throat, watching with a bit of satisfaction at the grace being destroyed. “If I have to.” she said, letting the body drop to the ground. She stepped over it and kept walking. 

This was getting her nowhere. The angel was right, she was on enemy territory and there would be more angels for her to face and she couldn’t kill them all. They had the upper hand here and she could only go so far. 

She gripped onto the angel blade in her hand tightly, getting to another crossroads in the hallway. It looked identical to every other hallway and she wasn’t even sure of the direction she was going anymore. 

Despite being a soul she felt the exhaustion hit her and she leaned against the wall once more. She wasn’t sure where to go from here and she was tempted to start opening the souls doors to try to make something differentiate between where she was and where she was going.

A pulsation in her hand made her look down and she stared at her palm, a small thin line was thumbing there. Dimly she remembered cutting herself on the cable in her room and something healing it. 

Bringing the angel blade up she carefully made a cut on her palm, over the line of gold that was embedded there. She watched with bated breath as the golden grace slowly rose from the cut, curling around her fingers for a moment before encompassing her hand completely. 

Standing up, staring at her hand, she swallowed hard and turned to a bare part of the wall. She placed her hand on the wall and watched as the grace spread along it, slowly coming together and creating a door for her. 

Immediately she grasped for the doorknob and opened it, stepping into whatever was going to be on the other side waiting for her and she was ready to-

Gasping for air Sam sat up on the ground, coughing hard as her body convulsed at the sudden onslaught of air and life that was forced back into her. 

Coughing and gasping for air Sam forced herself to look around, eyes widening when she realized exactly where she was. 

She was outside of the cabin that Lucifer had kept her in, the one she had died giving birth in, the ground under her was warm and everything around her was concrete and hard.

She was alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 214/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam walked, there was no other option for her at this point. She walked along the road in the hopes that someone would drive by that she could hitchhike with but so far there was nothing. 

She had nothing on her. Not a phone, her wallet, or anything else. That’s exactly how Lucifer had left her back then and apparently it's how she came back. 

She was fine for now but she wasn’t sure how long she would be. There had to be something close to them that she could use, either a small closed gas station she could break into or if it was working then at the very least there would be a payphone for her to use. 

Finally, after what felt like forever, her calves told her that she might’ve been walking for forever, she managed to find a gas station that was half filled with cars. Meaning she couldn’t exactly take anything but...her eyes went to a payphone at the side and she went to it. 

She didn’t have quarters and it wasn’t like they paid for anything regardless so she called collect and hoped that Dean would pick up. She spoke her name to the operator and waited with bated breath. 

Dean looked up when his phone rang, picking it up and frowning at the caller id. He slid his thumb over it and answered, sighing when he heard an automated voice asking if he accepted the charges. 

“Yeah sure, why not.” he said, rolling his eyes. He froze however when he heard who was calling. “What?” he whispered. 

“Dean?” the voice suddenly called out. His throat closed up and he couldn’t speak, couldn’t get anything out. “Dean it's me, it's really me, don’t hang up I don’t have any other way to call you.”

“Sammy?” Dean whispered, tightening his grip on the phone, feeling everything inside of his shake, his heart felt like it was breaking apart. “Sammy? How?”

“I don’t know, but it's me and I’m alive.” Sam told him, a small relieved laugh escaping her. “Listen, remember the cabin I was at? I’m at a gas station a couple miles away from that, I need you to come get me.”

Before she had even finished speaking Dean had been on his feet and all but running to the garage where the impala was. “Yeah, I’m on my way, I’m on my way Sammy.” he said, his words slightly choking him. “Sammy...what is happening? How did this?”

“I think...I think it's him. I think its my...my child.” Sam whispered, not realizing that the words made Dean freeze. “It was grace that helped me escape, I was in heaven but I got guided out and I managed to find the right door but an angels grace helped me and...I think it was them.” she took a deep breath. “Are they okay? What happened to them?”

“Sammy...the kid killed you.” Dean whispered. “He...he killed you. He's Lucifer's son.”

“But he's my son too.” Sam told him. “And I know. Hes Lucifers but that doesn't have to mean anything. Dean I know that you’re most likely mad and a lot of things towards him but...its not his fault.”

“He's the reason...” Dean started to say. 

“No, Lucifers the reason.” Sam told him. “Its Lucifers fault, not his. His, my son.” her voice softened. “Hes family, and we don't give up on family.”

“I’ve been blaming him.” Dean whispered. “I’ve been holding him accountable and I’ve...I didn’t want to know him, know anything about him. I just...I just wanted you back.”

“I’m back.” Sam told him, a smile clear in her voice. “I’m back and I need you to come get me and bring me home.”

“I’m on my way Sammy.” Dean whispered. “I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay, I’ll be here, I think the call is gonna end soo-” with that, the call ended, disconnecting them.

With a shaking hand Dean pocketed his phone, taking a deep breath. He needed to keep a calm head about this and make sure that this was in fact Sam, no matter how much he wanted it to be her. 

He came to a decision and turned back into the bunker for a moment, finding the kid in the room he had claimed for himself. When he heard Dean he looked up fearfully, scooting away from him as best as he could on his bed. 

“You, come with me.” Dean told him, motioning with his finger. The kid hesitated but then got off of the bed, putting shoes on and grabbing his jacket. 

“Where are we going?” the kid asked, keeping a bit of a distance from him. 

“To face something that you did.” Dean told him, turning to go back to the garage. “And I really hope that this is real.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 215/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	9. Chapter 9

The kid kept side glancing at him and was sitting as far away from him as possible. He had hesitated to get into the passenger's seat but after a moment he did, despite how he was practically hugging the door. 

They drove in silence for a majority of the time, Dean glanced at him periodically and the few times their eyes met the kid seemed close to throwing himself out the window. A mixture of emotions coursed through him and he tried to gain control over it, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. 

Finally, it was the kid that broke the silence. “Where are we going?” he asked, his voice shaking slightly. 

“You did something and we’re going to see what it is exactly you did.” Dean told him. “And I’m really hoping that this is the real thing.”

“I didn't do anything.” the kid mumbled, wrapping his arms around himself. He took a deep breath and Dean noticed that his hands were shaking. 

“You did and it might very well be a really good thing.” Dean told him, taking a moment to just look at the kid, remembering what Sam had said on the phone. 

“Then what did I do?” the kid asked, taking a chance and looking at him. 

“You’ll see.” Dean told him, turning back to the road ahead of them. His eyes went to the clock on the dashboard, they’d be there in less than thirteen minutes. 

He couldn't stop thinking about Sam, about the fact that apparently the kid had been the one to help bring her back to life. In the short conversation they managed to have so much had been said. 

She didn’t blame the kid, she didn’t think of the kid like Dean was. All he saw was Lucifer's kid, what had been forced onto his sister, and the reason that his sister was dead. 

She saw her son and her son, their family. It had been only them for so long, then mom had been given back to them for a short while. And now there was another person, another being that shared their blood. 

But it was hard to look at him. Maybe if Sam had been there the entire time, if the birthing hadn’t killed her, it would’ve been easier but he’d never been the best when Sam was taken from him. The first time she had been killed he had thrown himself into hell to bring her back to life. When she had gone to hell herself with Michael and Lucifer it was only because it was her dying wish that he had gone to live with Lisa and Ben and even then he couldn’t find his happiness. 

He wasn’t going to lie and say that he’d never thought about Sam having a normal life, wishing that he could give her that, and a normal life included having a partner she would marry and have a baby in their future. 

But his imagination never went that far, his mind never made another person in Sam’s life that would help to create the baby. In his mind it was always the three of them, him, Sam, and the baby. He’d be a male role model in the kids life, he and Sam would argue over the best way to raise the kid, but it would just be the both of them and the kid. 

But on his own? Sam died from birthing the kid and it just being the both of them? That wasn’t something he ever thought or even considered, and it just made everything all that more worse. 

And if he was being honest with himself, he took it all out on the kid because he was the only one here to be taken it out on. Lucifer was trapped in an alternative universe with their mother, Sam had been dead, and as a result, he lashed out. 

Should he apologize? Would the kid even understand what he was apologizing for, would he accept it out of principle or because he wanted to? The kid had reached for him multiple times and each time Dean had not only pushed him away, but also literally punched him away a few times. 

He didn’t even have a name. Sam didn’t name him and he hadn’t picked him one, nor had the kid picked one. 

Or even if he did, he hadn’t told Dean, and why would he have told him? Its like not 

Dean glanced at the kid again, this time he looked back at him and didn’t look away. 

“Do you have a name?” he asked quietly. 

The kid hesitated but then spoke. “Mom...she told me that she had wanted to call me after someone that meant a lot to her. She told me about...her dad, grandpa?” he tried before he shrugged. “John I think, but she never really gave me a real name.”

“You didn’t pick one?”

“I wanted mom to name me.” he said quietly, turning his head to look down at the floor of the car. “But she wasn’t here so...I wanted you to name me instead.”

The kid was definitely Sam’s kid, he wore and used the Winchester guilt and even with no experience he knew how to hit Dean right in the heart. 

Or at least he knew how to hit Dean once that he was actually listening to him. 

“Dean? Where are we going?” the kid asked again. 

Dean let out a deep breath. “You did something, and if it’s the real thing, it's a good thing. A really good thing.”

The kid looked at him again. “So if it's me, I did something good?” he asked, his voice wavering slightly. 

“Yeah kid, you did something good.” Dean said with a tense nod, trying to untangle the emotions rushing in his chest as they finally reached the gas station and there, just a few feet away, was Sam turning towards the impala’s engine. “You did really good.”

Dean didn’t bother to park the car, just stopped the car in place and threw the door open. Sam had immediately ran towards him and it took barely a moment for her to launch herself into his arms, wrapping their arms around one another. 

“Sammy.” he whispered his voice cracking, holding her tightly yet tenderly. Logically he knew that he should test her. Holy water, silver, all the standard procedures. He buried his face in her hair and neck and just breathed her in, holding her as close as he could to himself. “Sammy.”

“Dean.” Sam whispered, clinging to him just as tightly. He could feel her cry softly and he moved enough to stroke at her hair, his fingers getting caught in the strands. “Oh god, you’re here.”

“Course.” Dean said his voice heavy. He pulled back enough to look at her, really look at her, and he managed a smile, just grinning at her. She grinned back at him, gripping at him before her eyes went to the impala and her eyes widened. Dean turned as well. 

The kid had gotten out of the impala, staring at Sam almost reverently. He slowly walked towards her, his eyes just moving over her as if to memorize every last detail of her. 

Sam stared back at him, a touch of confusion on her face before it disappeared. She moved towards him as well, slowly and carefully. They were inches apart and stopped, just staring at one another. 

“Its you.” Sam whispered. Her hands were shaking as they reached for him. “You’re him. You’re...mine.”

The kids face crumbled and he reached for her, leaning into her touch when her hands cupped his face. His hands came up to hold hers and there were tears in his eyes. 

“Mom.” he whispered, voice breaking and legs buckling. Sam moved the rest of the way and immediately wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. 

“You’re my son.” Sam whispered, holding him close. “You’re my son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 216/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	10. Chapter 10

Despite wanting to stay with his sister and never let her out of his sight ever again Dean forced himself to leave the two, going into the gas station to grab a few things for her. 

He remembered being brought back to life from death and the first thing that had hit him was a deep thirst so he bought the biggest water bottle the station had. He also grabbed a few granola bars and chocolate bars to tide her over before they got her real food. If she hadn’t had to stay at the gas station he was sure that she would’ve tried to steal some but she had been stuck there for the time being. 

Coming back outside he immediately spotted the pair of them, leaning against the car and just holding onto one another. The both of them were talking and Sam’s hand was on the kids cheek, stroking it tenderly with her thumb. Dean stopped for a moment and just watched them. 

Because of how much older the kid looked it didn’t really look like a mother and son but the look on their faces was similar enough. They both had almost the same heart broken and loving look in their eyes, the kid’s shoulders were shaking and in response Sam wrapped her arms around him once more. 

Dean came up at that moment, getting both of their attention. He held up the offerings and a grateful look appeared on Sams face as she reached for the water bottle. She opened it and drank from it, a small groan escaping her. A small trickle of water escaped the corner of her lips and the kid reached out to gently wipe it away. 

Sam smiled at him as she finished drinking, offering him the bottle as well. The kid shook his head and half glanced at Dean. 

“Hungry?” Dean asked, handing over the chocolate and the bars as well, watching a relieved expression appear on her face as she unwrapped and bit into the chocolate. She nodded, licking her lips. 

“Starving.” Sam confirmed, looking at the kid once more and smiling. She reached for the kid’s hand and held onto it. The kid looked down at their entwined hands and almost visibly melted at her touch. 

Getting back into the impala Sam took her seat in the passenger's seat, leaning into the seat with a relieved sigh, relaxing into the leather. The kid hesitated but got into the backseat, Sam did turn to look at him and offered him her hand, both of them held their hands together the entire ride. 

Dean quickly found them a diner for them to eat at, nothing special that they should eat at but it was the first place that was on their road. 

They didn’t talk about anything important over lunch, Dean sat on one end and Sam and the kid sat on the other side. The kid pressed into Sam half the time, the other half he would glance at Dean and start to pull away only for Sam to pull him back to her. 

“We should talk. About everything else.” Dean said softly once they had all eaten. Sam had finished her entire plate, Dean had mostly finished his, and the kid had only eaten half. 

Sam looked at the kid and at the plate a bit worried. “You can’t eat or you’re just full?” she asked him.

The kid played with his fork. “Its kinda both.” he mumbled. “I don’t really...eat that much and I don’t have to, I just like it.”

Sam nodded slowly at that and glanced around for their waitress. “Maybe we should get some coffee before we talk.”

“I’ll get it mom.” the kid quickly said, moving out of the booth and going to the counter, waiting for the waitress to talk to him. 

Sam watched him fondly, a smile on her face. “He told me you’ve been taking good care of him.” she said, her voice soft. She glanced at Dean and smiled. “He said that you’ve been helping him with a lot but you’re still kinda worried about his powers so that part’s a bit apprehensive on both of your sides.”

For a moment Dean didn’t understand what she was saying, the words slowly registering in his mind. “He said what?” he asked. 

“That you’ve been taking good care of him.” Sam repeated. She turned her body towards him completely, watching him. “Is it true?”

Dean breathed out and picked his coffee up, staring into the dredges for a moment. “No.” he said quietly. “Not even close.”

Sam nodded, glancing at the kid once more. “Yeah, I didn’t want to call him out on it but he was adamant.” she said. 

“I’m not mad, I’m not upset.” she added, raising an eyebrow. “But I’m kinda disappointed.”

Oh that was just worse and she knew that, low blow Sam. He’d have preferred that she had thrown her plate at him, cursed him out, something else. 

He glanced at his watch. “You have officially been a mother for one hour, you’re not allowed to use mothering tactics on me.”

“I am allowed to use all the mothering tactics on you because I am a mother.” Sam told him. “So that means you need to listen to me now.”

“Okay listen, after all of your diapers that I helped dad change, I never have to listen to you ever.” Dean told her. “I have been mothering you for a lot longer there kiddo, I’m a level above.”

Sam reached and threw one of his fries at him. “We’ll see.” she said mischievously, a smile spreading along her face. 

The kid came back to the table then, carefully carrying a tray of coffee for the three of them. He placed it on the table and sat back down next to Sam. 

“I don’t know if I like coffee.” he said, looking at Sam. 

“It’s an acquired taste.” Sam told him with another smile, taking his hand in hers for a moment. The kid curled his fingers around hers and held onto it before letting go so that they could reach for their respective cups. 

Sam drank deeply from it, eyes closed to enjoy the taste. She let out a small happy sound and when she opened her eyes, she took on a serious face. 

“Okay.” she said, leaning forward and placing her elbows on the table. “Fill me in about everything else that’s happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 217/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	11. Chapter 11

There wasn’t much to catch Sam up on despite how it had felt that the entire world was caving in on him when she was gone. 

He told her that Crowley had sacrificed himself to create the spell, Lucifer had killed Cas, and mom had been taken into an alternative world by Lucifer on accident. 

“Tell me more about this alternative world.” Sam asked, glancing at the kid. She had taken his hand in hers when Dean had started to talk and now she just rubbed her thumb against his palm. The kid smiled at her, entwining their fingers together. 

“It's a world where we weren’t born and the apocalypse happened anyway.” Dean told her. “The whole world there’s in disarray and destruction. Nothing good is over there Sam.”

Sam nodded at that, staring down at the kids hands and seeming to marvel over the small details of them. “So I guess our being alive means something good at least.”

“Of course it does, don’t talk like that mom.” the kid protested softly. “You’re good, you’re really good.”

Sam just smiled at him, wrapping her free arm around him and hugging him loosely. “Thank you.” she said, pressing her forehead against the side of his head for a moment. 

She pulled back after a moment and tried to think, there was a haze coming over her mind and she started to have some trouble to put ideas together, she was more tired than she thought she was. 

“Okay so obviously, the first thing we have to do is find a way to get mom back.” Sam said, vision swimming for a moment before she finished her coffee. 

“No, the first thing we have to do is get you back to the bunker and let you get some shut eye.” Dean said. “Sam you’re exhausted, you need to get some rest.”

“I can keep going.” Sma protested. “Listen we’ve learned how to deal with little sleep no matter what so I don’t need to sleep just yet.”

“Yeah but according to your body you gave birth like three hours ago not to mention you came back to life.” Dean shot back at her. “So that means going to sleep.”

Sam opened her mouth to argue but stopped when the kid reached for her, touching her arm gently. 

“Unc-Dean's right.” the kid said softly, glancing at Dean at his own slip of the tongue. “Please, just rest a bit. Then focus on grandma.”

Sam looked at him and buckled when she saw the pleading look on his face. Feeling herself soften she nodded, almost immediately feeling the tiredness in her bones. 

Sam sighed as they walked out of the diner, rubbing at her eyes. She was tired and she was drained, she wanted nothing more than to just get back to the bunker to her room and just go to sleep for a day or two. Logically she knew that it was at least a few weeks since the child had been born but to her, it was like it was hours ago. 

She glanced to the side of her and smiled when the kid was walking with her, Dean just inches away as well. She reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pressing the both of them together. 

A longing look appeared on his face, eyes going to Dean for a moment before he moved the rest of the way and hugged her properly, holding her. 

“I got you.” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him as well. She stroked at his hair and just held onto him, closing her eyes and savoring the feeling. 

It was an odd idea, that she was hugging her grown son. Maybe it was him being a nephilim that he was all grown up but it was alright, it made a few things a bit easier for all of them. 

“Mom?” the kid asked, his voice wavering slightly. “Can I have a name?”

Sam breathed out slowly, nodding. “Yeah, of course.” she said, looking at Dean. She had toyed with naming him John, from their dad of course, but at the same time it felt a bit odd to do so. “Let me just think of a good name for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 218/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	12. Chapter 12

Sam ended up falling asleep in the passenger's seat, slipping away between one song and the other that Dean had playing on the radio. Dean glanced at her periodically to make sure that she was still asleep and to assure himself that she was in fact in his seat once more. 

Reaching the bunker Dean carefully parked the car and got out, the kid following him. The kid shifted uncomfortably for a few moments, glancing at Sam in the passenger's seat but Dean moved forward to carefully and gently pick her up from her seat, carrying her bridal style. 

Sam didn’t stir as he moved her, she did move a bit closer to his chest as he carried her and Dean felt his throat close up for a moment, just so damn happy that she was home where she belonged. 

The kid followed him, a few inches away and keeping his distance from him as best as he could while still being able to see Sam. He was also the one to go a bit farther up and open the door to Sam’s room for Dean to take her in. 

He placed her on the bed and removed her shoes and socks, putting them down on the ground quietly. He moved her cell phone to the nightstand from the desk where he had kept it charging and placed her wallet next to it as well. Everything he had kept safe for her once she was going to come back.

The kid was in the room as well and just stayed quiet, looking around and seeing the bits and pieces of Sam that was there. He did pull the blanket up over her to cover her a bit better and let out a small breath, watching her for a moment before he looked up at Dean. 

Dean stared at him as well but then looked back to his sister, his hand going out to stroke her hair for a moment before he pulled back and turned to leave the room. He could hear the kid following after him and then the door closed to let Sam sleep peacefully. 

Dean turned to look at the kid for a silent tense moment, the kid looked up at him as well but looked away, unable to look him in the eyes. Dean cleared his throat enough to get the kids attention on him again and then motioned with his finger for the kid to follow him as he walked towards the kitchen, certain that the kid came.

Once he reached the kitchen he reached into the refrigerator grab a beer. For a moment he debated to get something stronger but ruled against it, not wanting to get drunk or tipsy anymore for the time being. 

He opened the bottle and drank from it, listening to how the kid sat down at the table. He looked into the refrigerator and stared at the other bottles. 

“Do you drink beer?” Dean asked, his voice a bit rough. 

“...I’m three and a half weeks old.” 

Dean turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “So is that a yes or a no?” he asked. 

The kid hesitated but then shrugged. “I don’t know, I haven’t drank any yet.”

In an answer Dean opened another bottle and set it on the table, taking the other seat. He watched the kid gingerally take the bottle and sniff into it. He tilted the bottles contents into his mouth and coughed, making some spill over his lips. The kid wiped at his mouth and made a face, putting the bottle to the side of the table. 

Despite himself Dean couldn’t help but laugh at the disgusted look on the kid's face, feeling as if a small weight was lifting off of his chest the more he now watched the kid. 

The kid threw a dubious look at the bottle of beer and then got up, going to the refrigerator to get a bottle of water instead, drinking from it as he sat back down. 

“Its bad.” he mumbled to Dean, drinking his water. 

“It's an acquired taste.” Dean told him, recalling how Sam had told him the same thing about coffee. “What do you like?”

The kid shrugged and looked around the kitchen. “Fruit.” he said quietly. “And...cheese.”

The kid most likely didn’t know how to cook, nor would he have tried to get Dean’s attention on him in anyway and trying to do something in the kitchen would do that. Dean also hadn’t been cooking this entire time either so that left whatever was already made in the kitchen or things that didn’t need to be cooked. 

“Do you need to eat?” Dean asked him, drinking his beer slowly. 

The kid shrugged. “I think I do. I like it.” he mumbled, his eyes on the table. “If I don’t my stomach hurts so I guess?”

Dean nodded at that, looking at his drink in silence. “You lied to Sam.” he said, noting how the kid flinched at that. “About me. You told her that I was taking care of you.”

“You are.” the kid protested lightly. “I’m here, safe, and there is food.”

“Kid raise your bar, it's not even high enough to trip on.” Dean told him. He rolled his eyes at the confused look on the kids face. “You’re putting too little necessities, there's a lot more things you need than just safety and food.”

The kid rolled his water between his hands. “Like what?”

Dean breathed out slowly, averted his eyes. “Like people listening to you. People not punching you.” he reached out and slammed his fist onto the table, watching the kid flinch back and pull away from the table. “Not making you feel like you need to do.”

The kid swallowed hard, shaking slightly but didn’t bolt out of the room. “So...I’m not being taken care of?”

“Not like how you should be.” Dean told him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he hated doing this but he also knew that he had to do it. “Kid, I’m sorry.”

The kid tilted his head to the side. “For what?”

“What Lucifer did to my sister, to your mom...it’s horrible. There aren’t enough words to describe how bad it is.” Dean told him. “And that’s how you came into being, Lucifer hurting her created you inside of her.” He had no desire to be the one to give the kid The Talk so he was going to be as vague as possible and hope he didn’t ask too many questions. 

The kid nodded. “Lucifer is bad.” he said. “I heard him a lot of times, he threatened mom and you and grandma.”

Dean wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what Lucifer had been saying back then and pushed forward. “Exactly. But he’s not here-”

“Because of grandma.” the kid offered, nodding with a smile. 

“Because of grandma.” Dean agreed. “But that just left you and me and well….” he sighed and ran his fingers through his short hair. “I was frustrated, I was angry, and I was most of all needed someone to blame. And unfortunately, there was only you.”

Dean took another deep breath. “And I took it out on you and that’s not fair, it wasn’t right and it was far from what you deserved. I’m sorry but you don’t need to accept it, you don’t need to forgive and forget, you can hate me for the rest of time if you want, I know I deserve it and I know that it’s the least that I can-”

He was cut off when he suddenly felt a pair of arms go around him, loosely but undeniably a hug. He looked up and saw the kids face, apprehensive yet at the same time a bit determined. When Dean didn’t move to return the hug or push him away the kid tightened his arms around him, leaning in enough to press his forehead to Dean's shoulder. 

“Its okay.” he told him, his voice soft. “I forgive you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 219/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean was the first one to wake up, his vision clearing slowly as he stared at his sister. 

After that talk with the kid Dean had started to go to his room to go to sleep but had stopped outside of Sam's room. Not bothering to stop himself he quietly came into it, just staring at his sister for a long moment before he got into the same bed as her. 

They had always been close, too close according to some people but those people can go to hell. They’d spend years sleeping in the same bed and more often than not it helped him get to sleep a lot better, knowing that the most important person in his life was safe and just centimeters away from him. 

And waking up now, after weeks of having her dead and out of reach from him, opened his eyes and seeing Sam right there, still sleeping, it was one of the best sights he could ever remember seeing in his entire life. 

Breathing out slowly Dean reached out and stroked at her cheek, watching her smile slightly in her sleep and let out a small sigh of her own. His fingers moved up into her hair, just stroking over everything, and marveling over the fact that she was right there with him. 

After what seemed like seconds her eyes fluttered and opened, clearing as she looked at him. Sam smiled and moved slightly closer to him. 

"Morning." Dean said quietly, not wanting to break the peacefulness that had surrounded them. 

"Morning." Sam murmured back to him, still moving until she could press up against his side. "'ts time is it?"

"Doesn't matter." Dean said, not willing to look away from his sister just yet. Sam smiled again at him and reached for his arm, turning it to look at the watch that was still on his wrist. 

"Ten thirteen." she told him, letting go of his arm and curled more into him. "Kinda late."

"Its nothing, you can rest." Dean said, wrapping his arms around her and holding her to him. "You deserve it."

"We got work to do." Sam mumbled. "We gotta focus on getting mom back, we have to help the kid, we got stuff to do."

"All that stuff can wait, you just got back from the dead." Dean told her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Rest for a bit Sammy."

For a moment, Sam didn't speak, just pressing in close to him and lost in her thoughts. "I want to name him after dad." she finally said. 

Dean tried to turn that over in his mind, tried to put a connection between their dad and the kids. "It's going to be weird to call him dads name." he said. 

"Yeah I know." he could almost feel her making a face. "But I want to, it feels right."

It's going to feel weird is what Dean thought, but he wasn't the kids parent, he didn't get a vote on this. 

"So a whole brand new John Winchester." Dean mused. "Can we at least use a nickname and call him Johnny or something?"

"Sure." Sam said, amusement clear in her voice. "Johnny Winchester. Let's tell him the good news."

When Sam moved to get out of the bed Dean reached out and grabbed at her arm, pulling her back in and holding her close. She let him move her but looked up at him questioningly. 

"Just...humor me for a moment." Dean told her, closing his eyes and just holding her, reveling in the simple, pure fact that she was here. 

"I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to get you back." he whispered, feeling her hands coming up to grip at the back of his shirt. "You have no idea...I was willing to do anything I had to...to get you back."

"I know." Sam said softly, stroking at the back of his head and cheeks. "I know Dean, it's alright, I'm here. I'm alive. And you wanna know something?"

Dean looked up at her in question. 

Sam stared down at him. "You have my son to thank for my being here." she told him. "You treated him like Lucifer's son, and a part of him is. But he's also my son, and you should've treated him like it."

Dean tried to close his eyes but Sam flicked at his forehead, making sure that he didn't. "I know, I apologized to him before, when you went to sleep."

"Good, but you have a longer way to go." Sam told him, keeping her gaze on him. "He's my son, not Lucifers, I don't give a damn how he came to be, I don't care..." she breathed out slowly, needing a moment to compose herself. "He's here, he's my son, that's enough for me and it should be enough for you."

Dean nodded, tightening his hold on her as best as he could. "Okay." he whispered. "I'm sorry Sammy."

Sam nodded as well at that, relaxing a bit more into the bed and his grip. "Good." she repeated softly. "He really did speak good things about you, he tried his hardest to make me believe them."

Dean finally closed his eyes and leaned his head against her collarbone. “Why didn’t you believe him?”

He could feel her smile when she spoke. “Because he had the same look you always said that I had when I tried to lie to you as a kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 223/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam was still rubbing her eyes as she walked into the kitchen with Dean, hiding a yawn behind her hand. 

“You can go back to sleep.” Dean told her. “I doubt we’ll get anything done today.”

“No, I’m done sleeping and we are going to get things done today.” Sam told him. “We have work to do and we can’t ignore it. We need to focus on getting mom back from Lucifer and out of that other world.”

Dean sighed but nodded, knowing quite well that there was no changing Sams mind once she was stuck on something. A part of him knew that it was futile to try to get mom back, no doubt Lucifer had already killed her just for being the reason that he was trapped there. But he had no desire to tell that to Sam, he had a feeling she knew, but he didn’t want to dash any hopes that she had just yet. 

Walking into the kitchen Dean was only slightly surprised when he saw that the kid was already in there, looking around and the counter was a mess of ingredients and a few open cookbooks. He looked up when the two of them walked in and his eyes widened. 

“Mom! Dean.” he said, glancing between them. “I didn’t...I was trying to...”

Sam smiled and walked in the rest of the way, hugging him. “You were trying to make us breakfast?” she asked, looking at the mess. 

The kid ducked his head and nodded, looking around as well. “I didn’t...I don’t know how to cook so I...I found a few cookbooks in the library and I was trying to...it's not going that well so...”

“Its fine, I can’t really cook that well, other than basic meals.” Sam assured him, hugging him once more. The kid almost immediately pressed into her touch, hands coming up to hug her back. “But we appreciate it.”

The kid smiled and relaxed a bit more, eyes slightly closing as he savored the feeling of her hug. “I just wanted to try to help,” he said softly. 

“I know, thank you.” Sam said, leaning in to kiss his cheek, hands coming up to cup his face for a moment, thumbs stroking over his skin. “Dean, can you make something? And if you want to learn kiddo then you can watch him.”

The kid nodded and glanced at Dean, turning a bit so that he could watch Dean but not disrupt Sams hands on him. “Can I?” he asked, clearing his throat to try to speak a bit clearly after his voice wavered slightly. 

“Yeah, course.” Dean said almost immediately as he went to the counter and cleared a space for himself. He closed the books and pushed them to the side and reached for a carton of eggs and a slab of bacon. “Sam you want meat yet or you want a vegetarian thing?”

“Vegetarian.” Sam told him. She took the kids hand in hers and squeezed it slightly, smiling at him. “What about you kiddo?”

The kid stared down at their entwined hands in wonder and squeezed back. “I...I’m not sure.”

“Its fine, you can have a bit of both to see which one you like.” Sam told him. “Even if you don’t need to eat that much you should still find out what you like to eat.”

"Okay." the kid said softly, turning to look at her once more. He just stared at her for a moment before he smiled, leaning in to press his forehead against hers. Sam smiled and did the same, holding onto him. 

"ts okay sweetie." Sam said softly, stroking at his hair. "It's alright, I'm here now, it's going to be alright."

The kid swallowed hard and nodded, taking a deep shuddering breath. He needed one more moment to compose himself and then turned back to Dean to watch what he was doing. 

Dean turned his attention back to making breakfast for them. He made a vegetarian omelet for Sam and a bacon cheese filled one for himself. He made enough for the kid to have half of each and then grabbed poured them some coffee. Sam had set the table and the three of them sat down to eat. 

“You asked for a name yesterday.” Sam said, taking her seat and drinking her coffee. The kid immediately perked up, eyes wide. “So Dean and I decided, and I had decided a while back, about what to name you. I wanted to name you after our dad, John.”

The kid nodded rapidly, leaning forward. “Okay, okay, after grandpa.” he said eagerly. “So thats my name? John Winchester?”

Sam smiled and nodded, reaching out to take his hand in hers. “It's a bit stern so for now, maybe Johnny?” she suggested. “But yeah, your full name is John Winchester now.”

The kid, Johnny, smiled brightly at that, laughing softly in delight. “John Winchester.” he whispered, nodding. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome sweetie.” Sam said, rubbing at his hand. She looked at Dean and raised an eyebrow at him. 

Dean cleared his throat, shifting in his seat, and nodded, giving the kid a small smile when he looked at him. “Johnny.” he said softly. “Welcome to the family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 232/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	15. Chapter 15

As per their old agreement Dean cooked the meal, Sam was the one to do the dishes. Once they finished eating Sam got up and took the dishes, going to the sink. Johnny almost immediately jumped up to help her, gathering the rest of the dishes from the stove and watching what she did. 

Dean watched her show Johnny how to dry the dishes she had washed, giving him a small hand towel to use. He watched her smile at him and how he smiled back at her. 

Dean got up and walked over to Sam. She glanced at him over her shoulder questioningly but didn’t stop washing. 

Wordlessly Dean reached out for her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Sam stopped washing the dishes and let them slide back down into the sink. Her hands came up to hold onto his and Dean moved his fingers enough to grip at her. 

Sam let him pull her body to him, pressing them flush together, tilting her head back so that it could lay down on his shoulder. 

Dean just held onto her, breathing her in, simply savoring the feeling of her in his arms and her scent surrounding him. 

The bunker had been lonely and cold without her, a pressure that pushed down on him more and more to the point that he couldn’t breathe. 

And now she was back, now she was here again. 

And he could breathe again. 

“I’ve missed you.” he whispered into her cheek, eyes closed as he just held her. 

“I’m here.” Sam told him, holding onto him for a moment longer before she pulled away enough to be able to hug him properly. “I’m here.”

He could feel Johnny staring at them but for a moment he didn’t care, he just wanted to feel his sister in his arms again, have the ability to just know that she was alive and she was okay and she was here where she belonged. 

After what felt like an eternity Dean loosened his grip and stepped away enough for her to turn back to the sink and finish washing the dishes, handing them to Johnny to dry who did so without saying a word. 

“Now that that’s out of the way.” Sam said, turning the sink off and drying off her hands. “Now, let's talk about mom.”

“Sam.” Dean said with a sigh, running his fingers through his short hair. “I don’t think we can really talk about mom.”

Sam shot him a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t think she’s alive anymore.” Dean told her, watching hurt flicker over her face. “She's trapped in another universe, a bad one, with Lucifer, and-”

Whatever else he was about to say about mom stopped immediately because at the mere mention of Lucifer's name made Sam go white and her legs shake, her hand coming out to grip at the wall for support. 

“Sam?” he asked, shooting forward to hold onto his sister at the same time Johnny reached for her saying, “Mom?”

Sam closed her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath before she straightened up once more. “I’m fine, I’m okay.” she tried to reassure them with a shaky smile. “I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.” Dean told her, taking her by the arm gently and moving to sit her down at the table. “C’mon Sam, you just got back to life and the last time you were alive…” he hesitated but then continued. “You weren’t exactly in the best condition.”

“Dean, I’m fine.” Sam repeated. Johnny went to the refrigerator to get her a cold water bottle and she smiled at him when he handed it to her. “Thank you sweetie, I’m okay.”

“Mom.” Johnny said, looking lost for a few moments. “I...I remember those times too. I remember...being in you and I could hear everything and...I remember him too.”

“I remember him hurting you, and I remember what he said he was going to do to you, I didn’t understand it but...I could feel you. Feel how you were reacting to it and I knew that...it was bad.” he continued. “He-”

“Stop.” Sam told him, eyes closing once more. “You don’t need to keep talking about it, I was there. I remember.”

“All the more reason to just...keep it easy, lay low for a bit and recover.” Dean told her, coming closer to her and reaching to take her hand in his. Johnny glanced at the movement and then did the same, taking her other hand. 

“Even if we could do something, we don’t know how to get to the other universe.” Dean continued. “So regardless, we need to relax and you need to recover, nothings going to get done anytime soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 235/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Lots of mention of rape in this chapter.

Sam leaned back in her bed, staring at her laptop on her lap. Her fingers laid on the keyboard as she tried to figure out what to type in. 

They had spent the entire day so far just relaxing. They chose her bedroom and her bed to spend the day in and they were introducing Johnny to Netflix and all the tv shows that were on there. He liked Star Wars a lot and Sam enjoyed teasing him a bit at that. 

Dean was still hesitant to approach him completely. He started to but then pulled back, forcing himself to stop and Sam would either keep talking for him or smack his arm to keep him in place. 

But it was getting better for the both of them. Johnny was still a bit skittish but at the same time he wanted to get as close as he could to Dean, all but clinging to him when he wasn’t clinging to her. 

The both of them had gone to get lunch. Dean was making something and Johnny had gone with him to watch and learn how to cook more things, so she took these few moments being alone to do something she...maybe wanted to do.

Sam sighed, rubbing at her eyes as she moved her finger over the mousepad, making the screen lit up again. She went to google and just stared at it. 

Slowly she started to type words out, immediately deleting it, and closing her eyes, shaking her head. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes once more, trying to at the very least type it out. 

_‘How to get over rape.’_

Sam shook her head and immediately deleted it, glancing up at the doorway as if either Dean or Johnny was about to appear there and ask what she was doing. 

She looked back at the search engine, fingers hesitating. 

_‘Pregnancy by rape.’_

That didn’t feel right either and she deleted it, leaning back against the headboard and trying to swallow the lump in her throat. 

Could she even call it that? Was that what it had been? It hadn’t even been about the sexual part, Luci- he didn’t care about that. He wanted the power to be held over her, hold her life in his hands, mock her in that she was helpless in what he was doing to her. 

The only reason it hadn’t happened in the cage was because he lacked a body there, otherwise he would’ve done it there too. 

‘Is it rape if its not about sex?’

She deleted it again, noting that her fingers were shaking slightly and she curled them into a fist to try to steady them or at least hide what was happening. 

What was she even looking for? She couldn’t go to any support groups, her entire life had no place in a support group, let alone the last few months the last time she had been alive. 

Maybe she was looking for advice? Advice of some sort of how to deal with everything? 

But how could she deal with seeing those red eyes at the edges of her vision? How could she deal with the burning grace that seared her skin when he gripped at her back when she had been pregnant? How could she deal with those times he would throw holy water at her and just by having his child inside of her making her burn, laughing when she screamed?

The baby in the end always healed her. Always wiped all the pain away and healed her completely and that much gave her a bit of hope for the child. Despite being in pain she was still properly incubating the baby and therefore there had been no reason for it to heal her but...it still did. It healed her completely and entirely and at night when it was the worst, when the loneliness and fear overcame her entirely she was filled with a warmth and knowledge that she was not alone. 

That was what made her have hope the most. The knowledge that the baby was healing her and trying to help as best as it could. It wasn’t strong enough to kill Lucifer or do anything to him. But the child protected her from another yellow eyed demon, Daigon, that had tried to hurt her. 

Towards the end Lucifer was the only one that had been able to call the child's power, growing more and more angry each time that he had to fight for it and would always try to take it out on her in any way that he could.

And when the time had come to give birth? Grace coursing through the air? By herself on the ground of an abandoned cabin with Lucifer staring at her? 

Well...there aren’t really any words for it truth be told. 

But then Dean, Mary, and Cas had broken down the door, bursting in and armed to the tee. They had dragged Lucifer out and Dean had gone to her side, just holding her and whispering reassurances into her ear. 

She remembered the pain. She remembered the feeling of being cracked into two. 

She remembered hearing Mary scream outside and how Dean had hesitated and she had told him to go, check on them to make sure Lucifer hadn’t killed them. 

He hadn’t wanted to but she pushed him, needing to know that they were alright. He had promised her that he’d be right back, running to make sure that they were fine. 

But almost like a lever had been pulled. The moment Dean was gone the contractions had gone from bad to worse and before she knew it, it was time to give birth. 

And she did. She gave birth on the floor of an abandoned cabin all alone in the worst pain since her time in the cage.

And then she died. 

Sam closed her eyes, trying to maintain her breathing, tried to keep a rhythm in an attempt to not hyperventilate. When she opened her eyes again she was staring at the blank google search screen. 

_‘How to get over rape’_

She had already typed that she realized. She hadn’t really looked at anything under that or any of that search so it didn’t matter if she had typed it before, she wasn’t actually getting anything. 

Finally she retyped it and before she thought about it anymore she clicked enter and watched the articles appear on the screen. She forced herself to move down the page, yet yet opening any of them but reading the small excerpts that was there. 

On the bottom were other possible searches and she looked those over too. 

_‘Rape crisis center’_

_‘Abortion after rape’_

_‘Sex after rape’_

_‘Why was I raped?’_

Sam stared at the last one, that was something that had been ripping into her again and again, ever since Lucifer had taken her. 

Where had he gotten the idea? He had never even mentioned a possibility at all in the past of nephilim. The beginning had been a blur, something she didn’t want to remember. 

Shaking her head, she looked at the last recommended search, feeling her chest tighten at it. 

_‘How do I move on from being raped?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 243/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	17. Chapter 17

Johnny couldn’t stop smiling as he chopped carrots, making sure that each piece was the same size as the last. Once he was done chopping he carefully picked the board up and put the carrots into the stew that was cooking on the stove. 

Dean was doing something similar, he was cutting something up at the counter and throwing it into the pot boiling at his side. Johnny glanced into the pot, reaching for the spoon to stir it. 

“What are we making?” he asked Dean, breathing the scent in deeply, whatever it was it was good. 

“Stew, it's really good.” Dean told him, handing him a pan. “Put this in the oven, its bread.” he added, seeing the question already on Johnny's face. 

Johnny glanced down at the mess of...something, resisting the urge to poke at it. It was sticking to the sides of the pan and while he could see the coloring, he couldn’t see how it would turn into bread but he obediently put it into the already hot oven. 

“What are you smiling about so much?” Dean asked, turning back to the counter and grabbing a cloth to clean it.

“I have mom, I have you, and I have a name.” Johnny said with another smile. “Why shouldn’t I be happy?”

Dean glanced at him but smiled slightly as well, cleaning the counter. “Yeah, guess those are good.” he said softly. He tossed the cloth to the side once he was done. “And can we talk about something? Away from Sam?”

Johnny looked at him, a bit nervous, but nodded, turning to face him completely. “About what?”

“When you were born you created a crack in the universe, it opened a hole to another world, and that’s where our mom is.” Dean watched Johnny hesitantly nod at that. “Can you do it again?”

“I...I don’t know.” Johnny said after a moment's thought, uncertain. “I didn’t mean to do it before, I wasn’t in control of it, I don’t...”

“What if you learn how to use your powers?” Dean asked. “If you learn how to control it you can maybe do it again?”

“I don’t know.” Johnny said honestly. “Dean, I don’t know how that...opening happened, I didn’t want to create it, it just happened.”  
“According to the lore, the nephilim surpasses their angelic parents.” Dean told him. “Meaning that you’re going to be stronger than an archangel.”

Johnny finally looked away from him, shifting in place and wringing his hands together. “You don’t even think grandmas alive.” he mumbled. “You said it yourself, Lucifer isn’t going to keep her alive. So why try to get there?”

“Because Sam thinks that she’s still alive.” Dean told him. “And once she gets her mind set on something she refuses to let it go and will try to solve it until the very end. So I want to figure out if there’s even a reason for her to try.”

“Are you trying to stop me from attempting to open another doorway to that universe?” Johnny asked. “Or are you trying to figure out if I can?”

“Little bit of both.” Dean told him truthfully, turning back to the stove to look into the stew pot. “Frankly, if it was up to me? I’d keep that door nice and shut, make sure that Lucifer can never escape from it, make sure that he doesn’t even get the slight chance to get free.”

Johnny had to agree to that, remembering the fear that his mom had felt from him and the second hand fear he had felt in return. “I don’t want him here either.” he said quietly. 

Dean nodded at that. “Then we’re in agreement, we don’t do anything that could end up bringing Lucifer here.” he said. 

“But what do I do if she asks me to open it?” Johnny asked, reaching up to tug at his hair. “I can’t just...say no.”

“Yeah you can, it's your powers so you get to decide what to do with them.” Dean said. “You just say no.”

“But she’s my mom.” Johnny protested lightly. “I have to listen to her.”

“Kid, you’re your own person, you don’t need to listen to her.” Dean told him firmly. “You get to decide what you do with those powers and seeing as you want to keep Lucifer as far away from her as possible? I’d recommend saying no to her.”

“But you also said that...the nephilim surpasses their angel parent.” Johnny reminded him. “So that means I get stronger than Lucifer, which means that I can fight him.”

“Okay I don’t like where you’re going with this.”

“Well, think about it.” Johnny said, straightening up slightly. “If mom is right and grandma is alive in that other world, you said it was because of me that the doorway opened and she got stuck there with Lucifer.” he nodded and started to pace around the kitchen. “So if I get strong enough, if I can control my powers enough, I can open another doorway to find grandma.” he looked up at Dean and his eyes flashed golden. “And if Lucifer is there and tries to attack us, that means that I’ll be strong enough to kill him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 256/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	18. Chapter 18

Sam had decided to take a shower instead of doing anything else. Her searching on her laptop was giving her no results and Dean and Johnny were still cooking, she didn’t want to bother them, she wanted her own thoughts for the time being.

Dean hadn’t moved anything, leaving all of her things in the same place she had left them. She grabbed a fresh pair of clothes to change into and stepped into the shower, making it as hot as she could handle. 

She tilted her head back to let the water wash over her, hands coming up to grip at her arms as she tried to breathe in and out slowly. She grabbed her shower gel and poured it over her loofah, slowly washing herself with it.

Bit by bit her motions started to get rougher and rougher, the fabric scrapping along her skin until it started to irritate it. She scrubbed harder and harder, almost relishing in the pain of it. Her nails started to get dragged along as well, cushioned slightly by the fabric, but soon enough red lines started to appear from them. 

A choked sound escaped her as she continued, everything fading as she tried as hard as she could to scrub herself clean. She wanted to dig under her skin, wanted to rip it off and rip herself free. She wanted to tear away the parts of her that Lucifer touched and she wanted to clean herself of him. 

Her nails raked over her skin and she didn’t care how it tore into her, didn’t care how the repeated motion made blood start to sluggishly move down her body, staining both her and the bathtub. 

She wasn’t even aware that her legs weren’t holding her up anymore, having all but collapsed onto the floor of the bathtub, sobbing and choking, her arm moving weakly as she tried to keep cleaning herself. 

Dimly she could hear the door open and a rush of light suddenly filled her vision as she breathed heavily, not even trying to control herself anymore. 

“Sammy? Sammy!” Dean's voice called to her, as she choked and tried to focus. The water was turned off and tender hands were cupping her face. “Sammy?”

A small, cut off whimper escaped her and she leaned into his touch, hands coming up to grasp at him clumsily. She didn’t care that she was naked, they had seen each other naked countless times, all she needed was her brother, needed him to be her stone number one again. 

A towel was wrapped around her and carefully Dean picked her up bridal style, carrying her carefully and closely. 

She didn’t bother to try to move, didn’t bother to try to talk, didn’t bother to do anything. Just let her brother carry her back into her bed, sitting down on the edge, and just holding her, rocking her back and forth. She could feel the vibrations of his murmurs, whatever he was saying.

It didn’t matter what he was saying, it just mattered that he was here and he was with her, that he was comforting her as best as he could and that was all she needed. She could feel a small pain in her arms when Dean touched them lightly, her nails having done quite a bit of damage on her skin.

“Mom?” came a broken, scared filled voice. She still couldn’t force her vision to clear but she tried to turn towards the source of the voice. She could feel someone else there, just inches away, another comforting presence that she could register as family. 

Another pair of hands held onto one of her hands, curling around her comfortingly. Dimly she could hear the kid almost crying softly, but his hands were steady and with Deans arms around her as well, she felt herself slowly start to relax. 

A warmth radiated from the hands that were holding hers that slowly spread over her entire body and carefully, piece by piece, she could feel her body heal over. The cuts she had managed to make healed over and whatever blood that had been spilled faded from her skin. 

“Its okay, we got you Sammy.” Dean whispered, rocking her back and forth a bit more. The other pair, Johnny a corner of her mind told her, held tighter onto her hand. “We got you, it's going to be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 260/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	19. Chapter 19

Johnny remembered Lucifer.

He remembered hearing his voice. Remembering feeling his grace all but suffocating him. 

The worst thing he remembered was feeling moms fear surrounding him. He remembered how her heart raced and how her body would react, reaching a point in which her entire body was close to shutting down. 

He tried to help, he remembered that. He tried to calm her down and tried to steady her body back into balance. 

Looking back, he was sure that his manipulations made things worse for her but he didn't know that at the time. He had just wanted to help.

He remembered hearing his mom's voice talking to him. He remembered curling up as close as he could to her. He tried to not hurt her, tried to keep her safe, tried to help in any way that he could. 

But it didn't matter. Nothing he did mattered. Because in the end...

In the end his very existence destroyed her inside and out. Him being where he was given Lucifer the advantage to hurt her and he did so a lot. 

She screamed a lot back then. Whenever he did decide to go to sleep he heard her screams and well...

He didn't decide to go to sleep that often.

And when he was born, he remembered that too. He remembered his own grace and soul coursing, being pressed down and forced into a shape he didn't want. 

Instinctively he knew that he couldn't be born a child, he was in danger out there and he needed to be prepared.

But he tried to stop it, tried to force himself to not listen to instinct. Tried to hold himself together as small as possible to not hurt her. 

To not kill her. 

But it didn't work. No matter what he tried. He still hurt her. 

And then he killed her. 

He didn't understand why Lucifer would've thought that he would side with him. Why he thought that Johnny would even want to be in the same room as him. 

Why would he have wanted to be with the person that was responsible for inflicting so much pain on his mother?

Why would he want to have anything to do with Lucifer after he tortured his mother?

Why would he want to have anything to do with the being that had ensured that his mother would die painfully?

After what seemed like forever mom had finally calmed down and fell asleep, drained and exhausted. He couldn't get the image out of his mind. Seeing her gasping for air, sobbing and barely able to calm herself down.

He couldn't get the image of her nail marks on her skin, self inflicted and just a bit too deep. 

Dean didn't want to let her go. He didn't want to put her down onto the bed. He had a stricken look on his face that Johnny couldn't look at anymore, he had to leave the room and slowly walk back towards the kitchen.

He knew that Lucifer was alive, he could feel a part of him being pulled towards Lucifer, a part that knew that he was still in existence. And truth be told, he wanted to go and follow that line, follow the path to find Lucifer. 

And use every last bit of his power to make the former angel be in as much pain as possible, as much pain as he had put his mother in.

Before killing him for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 266/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	20. Chapter 20

Dean wasn’t coming back to the kitchen and the pot was bubbling over. 

Johnny glanced nervously towards the doorway leading to his mom's room and then back at the pot, the cover was starting to be pushed off from the bubbles and he was sure that that wasn’t supposed to be happening. 

Looking towards the door once more Johnny slowly went to the stove, grabbing the wooden spoon almost in defense. He had seen Dean do this, he knew what to do. Slowly he placed it into the pot and stirred, sighing in relief as the bubbles started to fall back into the stew. He turned the fire off and glanced into the pot, relaxing at the smell coming from it. 

It did smell really yummy, Dean had called it stew, and Johnny kept stirring at it, seeing the bits and pieces of vegetables and meat Dean had put into it. 

Bread. The bread was also in the oven, Johnny quickly moved opening the oven and staring at it uncertainly. He glanced towards moms room once more but once again, there was no one coming. He reached out and grabbed the pan, barely keeping himself from shouting as he let go and stepped back. 

The pan had burned his hand and he gripped at it, hissing slightly as he watched his skin redden and tighten. 

He looked up towards the room once more, not sure of what to do. Getting hurt meant that he needed to treat it, that’s what the first aid book he had read said. But he wasn’t sure what to classify this, there was no blood and already the pain was starting to lessen. 

He was about to go to the sink to wash his hand at least when he stopped, watching a small golden light appear around his hand, pulsating once and then disappearing, his hand completely fine. 

Johnny let out a small sigh, turning his hand over to look at it, uncertain of how to feel about what had happened. 

He was a nephilim, half human and half angel, archangel to be precise. He already knew how he felt about his so called father, Lucifer, and wished nothing more than his most painful death. 

And then there was the human side of him from his mother, Sam. He felt more human than angel at times, feeling everything so sharply that sometimes he couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t sure if that was a part of being human or just who he was. 

He wanted to talk to his mom about this, he wanted to talk to her about who he was and how to deal with it and everything else. 

He felt torn, there was no other way to put it. Torn towards the pull towards heaven that he knew was the angels trying to manipulate him, that was something that his mom had told him when she had been pregnant with him. And at the same time he could feel the desire to stay on earth, stay with the humans and Dean and mom. 

And then there was that third part of him, a part he was firmly ignoring and was pushing down as far as he could. 

A third part that he felt was dragging him down, towards hell, towards the demons, towards everything underground. 

He wasn’t quite sure where that part came from, maybe it was because of Lucifer being the devil and ruling hell, maybe something else. He wasn't sure and ultimately he didn’t care. 

He knew where he belonged and it was right here, at home with his mom and his uncle, finally a family with the three of them.

He moved carefully, pouring everything into three bowls, making sure that not a single drop fell to the counter. He looked it over and nodded, smiling a bit that he managed to do this. 

Right now it is the best and the only thing he could do. He didn’t know how to help mom like Dean knew but at the very least, he could bring food to her room and they could eat together as a family. 

The word warmed his chest and his smile widened. Carefully picking everything up on the tray, it was a bit heavy with the food and everything else weighing down on it, but he could carry it. He could carry anything for his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 282/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	21. Chapter 21

The trick was to ignore it and keep moving forward, ignore that it ever happened and pretend that it didn’t. 

At least that had always been her plan, had always been what needed to happen. Her trauma was one that had always needed to be pushed to the side and away, needing to focus on other more important things.

She never had the privilege of facing her trauma headon, there was always something else that needed to be taken care of or something that required her attention and as a result once it was done there was something new. A new problem, a new adversary, a new trauma. 

So she adapted, she forced everything down to the depths of her heart and mind and ignored herself. Ignored how she reacted to certain things, ignored how sometimes it felt like she couldn’t breathe, ignored her trauma and everything else about it. 

Doing so created a wall, created a block that kept her away from really facing her problems, helped her keep everything at bay, helped her to just pretend that those things had never happened. 

Sweep everything under a rug protected with salt and silver, never prying it open, never acknowledging it. 

It wasn’t the most healthy way but add a few layers of whiskey and she had the Winchester method of dealing with things and prospering. 

But this time it was different, it was completely different. If it had been any other time then Sam would’ve just done the same thing, swepted everything away and pretending that it never happened, didn’t exist, nothing no thank you.

But this time...there was something she couldn’t ignore, she didn’t want to ignore it in the slightest. 

Johnny. Her son. The living breathing existing proof of what had happened to her, her trauma sitting right in front of her with a smile.

It wasn’t his fault, she could never fault him for his existence. It wasn’t anywhere near his fault of how he came to being. She’s experienced sins of the father suffer the child and there was no reason for it, Johnny was an innocent in this in every way. 

But at the same time, he was right in front of her. He looked like what she would sometimes imagine she would look like as a guy, tall and hints of how broad he’ll be, dimples, and handsome, his hair was long enough to frame his face, and he so curious about everything. 

But then there was his eyes. The shape was hers, the type was hers, everything about it was hers. 

Except the shade, the coloring. All of that belonged to Luci-.

To Luci-

To him. 

And because of that, every time she looked at him in the eyes she just remembered everything. Remembered those six months, remembered the pain and the humiliation. 

It wasn't his fault, even when she had been pregnant with him he had tried to help her as best as he could. He wasn’t him, he wasn’t anywhere near him, none of this was his fault and she couldn’t hold it to him. 

But it also meant that she couldn’t ignore it, she couldn’t ignore what had happened to her, can’t sweep it under her own created rug, can’t pretend that it never happened. 

It was maddening.

They were on her bed once more, Dean had calmed her down from her panic attack. They were just laying there and her blanket over her. Dean was on one side, arm over her shoulders and just holding her close against his side. Johnny was on her other side, curled up close to her. All three of them were watching the movie plays on the tv but she could feel how each of them would sometimes look at her. 

Sometimes she’d catch one of their eyes and she’d smile as reassuring as she could, mentally already pushing everything that she needed to the back of her mind as far as it went. Pushing everything back under the carpet where it belonged. 

But every time she’d meet Johnny's eyes everything was pushed right back to the forefront and she couldn’t ignore it. 

Rinse and repeat, over and over again. 

It wasn’t going to work, doing what she used to before, she wasn’t going to be able to live like this, constantly being reminded of what had happened to her in such a way. She was going to go insane if she kept having to face it again and again like this. 

Making a decision, Sam burrows deeper into her blanket and bed, watching the movie unseeingly. 

For the first time in her life…

She was going to have to face her trauma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural.
> 
> 305/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	22. Chapter 22

It was easier said than done. 

She wasn't quite sure how to do this, she wasn't sure how to take that first step. So she did what she did best, she did her research. 

She went back to her previous searches and reread those articles, opening a word document to keep track of her notes. 

The majority of the notes were all the same, giving the same advice no matter where she looked. Some she was able to do, some she wasn't. 

One of the biggest pieces was to join a support group, find other people to talk about this and she knew that that was not a possibility before she even finished reading the sentence. 

She couldn't explain this to anyone outside of their, very, small group. That option was out immediately. 

The second was that she shouldn't isolate herself, that she shouldn't close herself off and ignore it, she was trying to do that. Trying and mostly failing at it had to mean something that she was trying, right?

The only person, the only being who she could talk to was Dean. And she knew that he would listen, she knew he would do whatever he needed to do to help her feel better and help her get over what had happened. 

But he was also going to blame himself for allowing it to happen. He already felt the guilt tenfold, she didn't want to increase it. 

But it was also a start somewhere, she needed to talk to him about it and maybe it would help the both of them. The question was how would she approach and start it? Neither of them were big on talking things out, or talking about things that bothered them. And when it came to a head, when neither of them were able to hide it anymore?

Fists flew just as fast as insults. They had physically fought twice against one another. The first time had been after she had escaped from Bobby's panic room and met up with Ruby hours before she killed Lilith and the second time had been when they were both possessed after Dean had come back from purgatory. 

But to the point of the matter, they were both older and wiser now and maybe it was time to stop hiding things and start talking about them instead. 

He was her brother, the only family she had left other than her son, he was her everything. They went through literal heaven and hell together and quite frankly, she was tired of it all and just...wanted to be able to talk to him. 

A knock at her door got her attention and she quickly minimize all her windows until just her email was being shown. She looked up at the door and called out, "Come in."

Johnny opened the door, staring at her for a moment before he smiled. "You okay mom?" he asked softly, closing the door behind him as he came into her room. 

Sam moved a bit on the bed to make room for him and at the movement he crossed the room to sit on the edge of her bed. "I'm fine." she said with a smile. "Where's Dean?"

"He's on the phone, he's talking to someone named Jody." Johnny told her, fidgeting with his fingers on his lap. She smiled at the motion, remembering how she would play with the skin around her nails as well. "I just...wanted to check on you."

"I'm alright." she assured him, patting to the side of her. Johnny hesitated but then climbed onto the bed completely, curling up against her side as she wrapped her arm around him.

"I think you got something on your mind kiddo." Sam said softly, it was easier to focus on him and his problems than it was to focus on hers. She knew that it was another avoidance tactic but she couldn't help it. 

Besides, this was her son and she wanted to help him. 

The thought was still kinda jarring to be honest. Her son, she had a son. She had given birth to a nephilim, the act killed her and he brought her back to life. 

Back in the past she did sometimes think about having children, mainly when she had been at Stanford and was thinking about her normal life and everything that it would entail. 

Of course due to the fact that she had been dating Jessica Moore it meant that their options on children were a bit more limited but Jess had always wanted to have kids one way or the other and back then, Sam was willing to do anything for her. 

But once she got back into hunting, back to just having her brother by her side, all that was put to the side and pushed firmly away. She had lived as a child in the hunting life and she had no desire to put another child through that, especially not her own. 

So she ignored the pangs and the thoughts, she ignored the call of a normal life and she ignored how some people would whisper about it.

Not to mention the thought of having another man in her life, a husband or boyfriend of some sort, was...not what she wanted. Not in the slightest. She had dated men before, she knew she was attracted to them on a physical and emotional level, she just...could never have them be on the same level as Dean. 

She also knew that that was just as fucked up and another level of weird to their lives but it was the truth. In her most secretive moments that she allowed herself to daydream about having a normal life and a child and a dog...there was no husband. There was no wife. It had just been her, the child, and Dean. She never needed anyone else to be intruding in their lives.

Mainly because no one else would ever come close to understanding their relationship, at times she didn't understand it, but that was alright. No one had the right to try to butt their heads into their business. 

Well Johnny had the right, he was her son and Deans nephew so he had the right to slide into their lives and be a part of it. She tightened her arms around him and held him closer. 

But...at the same time...there was something bothering her.

"Johnny?" she said softly, immediately getting his attention on her. 

"Can you tell me a bit more about what happened while it was just you and Dean?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 310/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.
> 
> Also I am honestly debating to make this Wincest, how would you guys feel about that?


	23. Chapter 23

Dean frowned at the recipe he was looking up, trying to understand how to make it work properly. 

"There has to be another way to do this." he muttered under his breath as he glanced at the counter. It was a stupid vegan meal, he remembered that Sam had been toying with the idea of becoming vegan before the whole mess had happened, and now he was trying to figure out how to make those things come true. 

"There is no way that something without eggs or flour or butter is going to bake properly." he said, shaking his head. But he'd try it, more surprising things have happened. 

He glanced up when he heard Sam coming into the kitchen. "Hey, how are you?" he asked, turning to face her. He resisted the urge to go to her and hug her, reaching back to hold onto the counter instead. 

"I'm alright, a lot better now." she said, sitting at the table and looking up at him with a guarded look on her face. Instantly Dean was on guard and straightened up. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, crossing the kitchen to get by her side. 

Sam took a deep breath, fingers curling slightly on top of the table. She then spoke words that never failed to strike fear and terror into his heart. 

"We need to talk." Sam told him firmly, staring at him intensely.

Swallowing hard Dean went to the fridge to grab both of them a bottle of beer, opening it and setting one in front of her. He took a deep pull from his own bottle and slowly sat down across from her. "Okay."

Sam stared at the bottle in front of her for a moment, reaching out to roll it between her hands. Johnny had done the same thing, Dean remembered with a small pang. The more that both of them were together, the more things he managed to see that they had in common. 

The more Johnny reminded him of when Sam had been younger as well. 

"Okay." Dean said once more, leaning back in his seat and pushed whatever meager notes he had away to the side. "What do we need to talk about?"

"You tell me." Sam told him, staring at him, hands curled around the bottle but not drinking just yet. "Anything you want to tell me?"

There was really one thing that could make Sam have that look on her face, one thing that could make her want to talk to him like this, one thing that changed in their lives so much. 

"Johnny." Dean said, watching her nod. He took a deep breath, rubbing at his eyes for a moment. "What did he say?"

"You tell me." Sam said once more. "What do you think he told me?"

Dean took a deep breath, swallowing another mouthful of beer. He hated the feeling growing in the pit in his stomach, gritting his teeth.

Sam was just staring at him, seemingly in no rush to say anything as he felt the turmoil go through him, made all the worse with each second that passed. 

He fucked up. He knew he fucked up. 

And it was time to pay the piper. 

Sam watched him and took a deep breath of her own, finally drinking from her bottle.

“Johnny tried his best to lie.” Sam told him. “Kept saying the same things over and over again, that you were taking care of him. That you were being nice to him. That you were being a good uncle to him.”

God the kid really was like Sam, too much like Sam. Trying to protect him even after all the crap that he had pulled on him. 

“So I’m going to give you a chance.” Sam continued, watching him. “I know I talked about it before but we’re well rested, we’re here and we’re going to really talk about this. Is what he saying true? Were you a good uncle? Were you taking care of him?”

“No.” Dean said, averting his eyes for a moment before forcing himself to look at his sister once more. 

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I broke him too and he eventually told me the truth.” she said. “He told me everything. From the moment that you saw him in the cabin to the moment that the both of you went to pick me up.”

Sam took a deep breath, giving him a leveled look. “So now, we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 313/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.
> 
> Short chapter because I'm too tired to write anymore.


	24. Chapter 24

"I'm going to start, I'll tell you what he told me first." Sam told him, hands folded in front of her. "Stop me if I'm telling the truth."

 

Dean swallowed and nodded, taking a deep breath. "Okay." he said softly. 

 

"He said that once he was born, once he realized what had happened and you came into the room a few minutes after that." Sam told him. "He said that you recognized him and you went to him, he was naked so you wrapped your jacket around him."

 

_ "Sam!" the choked scream escaped his lips, stumbling against the doorway as he tried to hurry inside the cabin.  _

 

_ Everything was happening too fast, too damn fast, one right after the other. Crowley had sacrificed himself to trap Lucifer but Lucifer had still managed to escape, killing Cas right in front of them. His sister screaming from the cabin that was alight in a golden light that could only be the nephilim.  _

 

_ Then their mother, trying to attack Lucifer, defending him from the devil, being pulled along with him into the other world just as the opening closed.  _

 

_ And the screams behind him stopped. Along with the rest of the world. _

 

_ So he moved to the last sign of life, the last bit that made sense, what he always did.  _

 

_ He went back to where his sister was. _

 

_ Coming into the cabin his sister was on the ground, unmoving, spread out and eyes open, unseeing. He didn't need to check, he already knew.  _

 

_ His sister was dead.  _

 

_ And the reason was standing a few feet away, eyes alight in the same golden light that had been lighting up the cabin and the portal to the other world. It tilted its head to the side, naked and grown, slowly taking a step towards him.  _

 

_ Dean stared at the thing in horror, barely able to breathe, every last part of him shaking in an emotion that he couldn't name.  _

 

_ The thing just stared at him, blinking and slowly moving, as if getting used to its limbs. Slowly it turned its head and looked at Sam on the ground.  _

 

_ Dean felt something inside of him snap and he brought his gun up, shooting at the thing, the force making it stumble back but otherwise, nothing else happened to it.  _

 

"Then he said that you focused on my body, you explained to him that you needed to burn it, a proper hunters pyre." Sam continued. "You answered all the questions he had about it."

 

_ Once he was out of bullets he dropped the gun and moved forward, grabbing it by the arm and pulling it up. The thing didn’t do anything to stop him, stumbling and falling to the ground, only being held up by Deans grip on his arm.  _

 

_ Dean tightened his grip on its arm, watching the skin around it start to discolor, and threw him across the cabin, not caring how he slammed against the wall making the entire thing shake.  _

 

_ “Heal her.” he could barely recognize his own voice. “Bring her back. Heal her!” _

 

_ It looked at Sam and what Dean swore was a small whimper escaped him as his eyes raked over Sam's dead body. “He-heal?” _

 

_ “Heal her! You’re an angel! Heal her!”  _

 

_ It kept looking at Sam and then back at Dean, breathing heavily and not moving.  _

 

_ “I...I don’t know...” _

 

_ Gritting his teeth Dean moved forward and grabbed at it again, pulling it up enough so that he would punch it in the face and letting it fall to the ground once more.  _

 

“He then said that both of you took care of my body.”

 

_ Turning away from it Dean went to his sister, falling to his knees beside her dead body. He reached for her and almost tenderly picked her up, holding her to chest as he tried to figure out what to do, what he could even do, about this. _

 

_ Breathing heavily, Dean just held her to him, gripping her tightly as he curled his body around hers.  _

 

_ This was too reminiscent of when Jake had killed her back at Cold Oak because of Azazel. Being too little too late to save her.  _

 

_ Only this time she had died alone, giving birth to the thing that killed her.  _

 

_ Only this time there was no demon that was willing to trade his soul away for her to come back to life.  _

 

_ Dean isn’t sure how long he stays like that, stays in the same position just holding onto his little sisters body. This was the only thing that mattered, nothing else did. It was his sister, the only piece he that he knew and could always count on, the only family that he had leaned against and had raised for so long.  _

 

_ And she had died on a dirty cabin floor, alone, in the worst pain possible, because of a nephilim.  _

 

_ And he hadn’t been able to do a single thing to stop it from happening, from stopping any of it.  _

 

_ He failed. He completely and utterly failed at being Sams brother, at being her confident, at just being there for her. He failed and he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to be able to make it up to her.  _

 

_ From the corner of his eye he could see it standing up on shaking legs, wrapping its arms around itself as the cabin shook from the wind outside.  _

 

_ A part of his mind tried to reconcile everything, tried to put the pieces together and make him move, make him do something.  _

 

_ That thing, that nephilim, that killed his sister...was hers. It was her son that she had given birth to. It was her son that had been forced onto her.  _

 

_ It was his nephew.  _

 

_ But holding onto his sister's dead body? Looking up to see the nephilim staring at both of them? Seeing its golden grace staring at him with Lucifer's eyes?  _

 

_ All he could see was his sister's killer. _

 

“So Dean, tell me. Did he tell me the truth?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 43/366
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.
> 
> Just as a note, this chapter is not meant as Dean hate in anyway. This story is not meant as Dean hate in anyway. Dean without his sibling, be that female or male Sam, is always a wildfire that doesn't give a damn about anything other than getting them back.


	25. Chapter 25

For a few moments, Dean didn’t speak. He wasn’t sure what to even say at this point, if there even was anything that he could say. 

Sam didn’t seem to be in any rush, just staring at him with her hands clasped in front of her on the table. The most surprising, however, was her eyes. 

There was no condemnation that he had thought there would be. There was no anger, no hate, not even sadness. 

It was acceptance, more or less; it was understanding. It was a touch of something he didn’t know how to read but at the same time, he knew that it wasn't an accusatory like he thought she was going to be. 

And that hurt more than if she had punched him and broke his nose, she was due a punch at him and it was long overdue for her to collect.

“You know how you told me that I have a habit of downplaying anything that happens to me?” she asked quietly. “That I say it's no big deal even when it is?” She gave a small laugh. “I think I finally get your frustration with me, Johnny's the same.”

“Kid takes after you.” Dean managed to speak, needing to clear his throat a few times to let the words go. “Sam...I...”

“The thing is...I’m not surprised.” Sam injected first, playing with her fingers. “Not really. It's kinda been...” she paused, searching for the right words. “You and I...it's weird, we’ve always known that it's weird. We’re not a normal pair of brother and sister, normal siblings don’t sell their souls to hell to bring the other back.”

“Well that just makes us more loving than the other siblings out there.” Dean said, relaxing when he saw Sam smile at that. 

“It's something that people have mentioned before, it's codependency to its highest form.” Sam said. “We’re completely and utterly codependent on one another and when one of us is out of the picture, in anyway, the other person doesn’t really know how to properly handle it.”

The both of them didn’t speak for a moment as they thought back; Dean making a demon deal, Sam shutting down completely and ignoring everything around her.   
“I’m not mad, I’m even understanding.” she continued. “I get it, I do, I don’t even want to think about what I would be doing if I were in your shoes at that moment.” she paused to take a breath. Dean reached across the table to grip at her hand, she gripped back just as tightly, staring down at their entwined fingers. 

“So, after all of this, I’ve come to this conclusion.” Sam said. “I’m not the one that you need to make things up with. I’m not the one that you need to apologize to. I’m not the one that you need to try to create a relationship with.”

“The kid.” Dean said quietly, tightening his hold on her hand, feeling only slightly vindicated when she did the same. 

“Johnny.” she confirmed. “Because looking at him is like looking into a mirror at times and I don’t want that for him. I know this is a case of pot and kettle and I’m being so many different types of hypocritical right now. But I want him to shoot back. I don’t want him to back down and let anyone else treat him in a way that he doesn’t deserve to be treated, and I-”

She swallowed hard. “He’s a good kid, he’s a really good kid.” she whispered, barely able to bring her voice up. “I don’t want him to be like me, I don’t want him to ignore his pain and suffering, I want him to be better.”

“And I want you to be better.” Dean told her gently. “Sammy...you can’t hold this crap in anymore. Unload on me, I’m your brother, it's what I’m here for.”

Sam stared at him for a moment, eyes hardening over slightly as she came to a conclusion. “Alright, you want me to unload? I’ll unload and work with you.” she leaned forward slightly. “So long as you recreate your relationship with your nephew.”

Breathing out slowly, Dean nodded at that. It was better than he thought that he was going to get, it was better than he even dreamed was going to happen. He had gotten another chance and he sure as hell isn’t going to screw it up again. 

Johnny Winchester is here and he’s here to stay, there’s no denying that in anyway. 

And if Sam, Sam who had suffered the most, can look past his parentage, look past the parts of him that was an angel and that belonged to Lucifer?

Then by some sort of power Dean was going to do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 48/366
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural.
> 
> 118/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.
> 
> Because of this story I will gladly take requests for whatever kind of alternate universe you guys want to see.


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